National Eating Disorders Association

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iwanttolive
Sister's

Hi to all. I am having significant problems with my sister. She demands that I share nothing with my parent's about what goes on in our house with them. The problem is she doesn't know how to communicate. I told her one day after she asked me if we could talk that i wasn't up to it and i was was very tired. For two weeks she didn't speak to me. We talked about it finally and she said i sternly said NO. And nothing else. She raises her voice when talking and I said I do not want to continue to talk with you because it upsets me when you start raising your voice. She said that is how she communicates and if I don't like it we might not be able to communicate..

She herself is very ill. She is never wrong. I am always wrong. She is emotionally abusive and my heart is heavy and burdened. I am not permitted to talk to my parent's. She said several times it will take a very long time to trust me again. As i lost her trust by going to my parenta. I told her I didn't trust her because she doesn't listen to me and overpowers me so that is why I go to Mom and Dad.
Sorry this is so long. I have been forcing myself to go to work with low blood pressure and am in a lot of pain. I Will be taking a week off to rest and see doctors. I am very sad.

iwanttolive
regarding my sister

Hi. I hope things are going okay for you all. I know how difficult it is living with an eating disorder and we just want to wake up and have the pain, the confusion, the suffering together soon to all go away. I wish it happened that way. But we must walk it out day by day, as I now have to do with my sister. Now that I am in recovery I now have to deal with her. She is mean and does what she wants to do. My parents and I will be having a discussion with her soon. Living with her has caused me to become depressed and has caused me to want to self harm. I have not and will not. I have come too far. Five or six months with no behaviors. To me, that is a very long time. Maybe to some it isn't that much time but for me it is. I just need support. My dad will be telling her that she will have to move out if he continues to treat me so poorly me. I put the phone on record as she was yelling at me and I showed it to my parents so they could hear how she treats me, at the suggestion of my therapist. Please if anyone comes across this, send back a little note in support to me, I would really appreciate it. iwanttolive

lovetowrite81
Iwanttolive

Hi Iwanttolive-

Just wanted to let you know that I'm so sorry for what you are going through with your sister. That does sound like such a heaviness to have to carry around and I can totally understand how that would allow for depression to creep back up. Especially since you have made your best efforts to try to communicate & work things out, and she does not seem to be receptive. That is also difficult that she expects you to keep everything from your parents who are a central source of support for you. I think it is a good idea to meet together as a family & figure out how to best move forward. So proud of you for still not using behaviors or self-harming! It's been awesome to see your steadfast reliance on God in your recovery. I know that in the midst of this messiness and pain, He will move in this situation as well. He is still there and still good. He has been faithful time and time again, never fails & never will. Find hope in that <3

How are you feeling with your blood pressure? Keep us posted!

-Lovetowrite81

iwanttolive
Hi lovetowrite81

My heart is heavy heavy with tears with your response. Thank you so much. As it turns out my parents had a discussion with my sister and myself this afternoon. For one, my sister is very ill, but has given up all hope of ever getting better. She has basically been bed bound or house bound for twenty years. She has been a victim of abuse all her life and has very real illnesses that are life threatening. The frustrating thing is she does nothing to take care of her health as she doesn't think she can get better. We both have passive aggressive tendencies. I don't think I have that much but I need to look into it. My sister has a major addiction to prescription drugs and a very poor memory. So I feel guilty for getting mad at her when she treats me as poorly as she does.

I took this week off from work because I am very confused and am weak and tired. They are running tests. Frustrating thing is is that the tests are coming out normal. But my blood pressure is still very low. Thanks for asking. I am depressed because of all of this. But I am not using behaviors and I give God the glory.

Thank you for writing back to me. How have you been? How have you managed to maintain your recovery? iwanttolive

lovetowrite81
Iwanttolive

Hi Iwanttolive,

I hope you are having a good day today. That is so unfortunate to hear about all that your sister has had to endure, and that she has lost hope in overcoming her struggles. That must play into a lot of how she reacts to others and I imagine that there are a lot of emotional wounds due to the abuse. Not to excuse her behavior in any way, but recognizing that she is coming from what seems like a lot of pain and frustration can help you to see that it is not your fault- you are not doing anything wrong. How did the discussion with your parents go?

I'm sorry that you have feeling so lethargic. That's frustrating that it is still up in the air as to what is causing this. It's wonderful in the midst of all of what is going on that you have still not turned to behaviors. Praise God!

I have been doing quite well recently, thank you for asking :) Recovery is an ongoing journey. Thankfully I have been behavior free for about 2.5 years now. It's a place that I never would have thought I would be able to reach, especially in the dark places I have been in previous seasons of my life. I honestly just have to praise God for His unwavering faithfulness, for breaking so many chains in my life. Maintaining recovery for me has been keeping a continuous self-awareness. I see my therapist twice a week for intensive psychotherapy, journal as often as I can, nourish myself spiritually through prayer and involvement in the church, & surround myself with supportive people who give me the space to be fully myself. And serving others as a peer support specialist, walking with others struggling with mental disorders is a core part of recovery as well- helping others to heal while in a way continuing to heal parts of myself.

Praying for you <3

London1621
Hugs

I'm sorry what is going on with your sister. That's really hard to deal with, and I hope that you are able to find something to help. I hope you will be ok. Hugs

dropthemetaphor
re: sister's

Hey iwanttolive--I'm so sorry this situation has continued to worsen. Families are so complicated. I feel like they are the ones who can hurt us the most because they know us so well, but that's also the reason we love them most fiercely. I've personally cut off all contact with my family in several instances when being in contact was just too painful and detrimental to my own mental and emotional well-being. I'm not suggesting you do the same--I understand your situation is very different, but just wanted to offer some empathy.

I'm not at all surprised that this situation is triggering some urges to use behaviors. You are incredibly strong and resilient for fending them off. It must be a relief to contemplate the possibility of your sister moving out soon, but at the same time it must also be very painful. Ultimately we can all only be responsible for our own lives--I understand your sister has not had it easy, opioid addiction is no joke and my heart breaks for her. But as you know as an ED survivor, nobody can do the work for her. I'm not trying to suggest a course of action--I know you feel a responsibility to your family and I can't imagine the complex web of emotions and burden this is placing on your shoulders. I just wanted to remind you that you are important and you matter, too. Don't let yourself feel less deserving of care and happiness than your sister--you are equally deserving and you are not capable of supporting each other right now. If your sister's problems are sending you into a downward spiral, you deserve to have some space from your sister's problems. I hope that makes sense.

Please keep us posted on what's going on and keep reaching out if it's helping. I'm sorry I can't provide any concrete advice, but I wanted you to know I read all your posts here and you are in my thoughts. (And I'm sorry too that I didn't respond to this sooner--I recently moved across the country to be closer to my family so it's been total chaos and I haven't logged on in a couple weeks.)

I hope you had a better day today.