National Eating Disorders Association

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tdhowe32088
Scared

Hi,

I don't know what to do right now. I am really scared I am about to relapse. I went to do my blind weigh in today, my husband goes with me so he can know and email my nutritionist. However, I was anxious about weighing in. When we got home, I told him that it was bothering me and I thought knowing might help (I used to be able to know and be ok). I know logically it could be water, muscle and or fat but in my head I'm screaming pure fat because I ate some unhealthy things over the past few weeks. This sent me into a mental breakdown and I couldn't stop crying. Now I don't want to eat anything or speak of food. I ignored my hunger earlier and am putting dinner off as long as possible. I just don't know what to do, I know these thoughts are irrational and I need to fight back but I can't and just want to restrict so I can be in control. I don't want to relapse but at the same time restricting sounds so good right now... :(

_admin_moderator
Friendly Reminder

Hello,

First, thank you very much for your post! It is our hope that you can find support through these forums.

Just a friendly reminder. These forums request that no specific numbers be posted, as they may be triggering to other members. We wish to have an environment safe for everyone.

Thank you

michael26
Peace

Hi tdhowe32088,

Do you have any specific contacts that you can call or text for immediate help? Unfortunately, at this time the NEDA Hotline is closed for today... However, the hotline does operate Monday through Friday, 9 am until 5 pm EST. The number is 1-800-931-2237.

michael26
I understand how this is a

I understand how this is a difficult time right now. I just wanted to remind you that a little slip in the journey does not mean you have relapsed. You can do this! With the skills you have learned and the support around you, you can get back on track!

eghall
Don't give up!

Hi tdhowe32088 -

I remember very well how scary it can be to re-introduce food back into our lives. The temptations you have to know your weight and then restrict are your eating disorder struggling to keep control. If you personify your eating disorder, then you can hear how he/she is abusing you. You said something in your post that is so important - "I know I need to fight back." You have the fight in you to beat this!! Fight the urge to know your weight! Fight the urge to restrict! Fight for your life because you are worth it!!

These feelings you are experiencing are a normal part of recovery, so don't look at it as a set-back. It is your eating disorder knowing it's losing control. Here are some things for you to read that I hope helps you:

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/recovery

I know you can do this! I believe in you and I can hear the strength that you have!