National Eating Disorders Association

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saw my nutritionist...

I have to just really get on following my meal plan and ditching the scale because it is only hindering my recovery efforts. I need to start doing the work as my therapist points out and she says i lie so much its hard to say what is true anymore and she thinks i lie to everybody including myself. I said i was doing better on my meal plan and I saw my nutritionist today and I didn't gain so my therapist says she knows i was not truthful my scale was higher so i should not have been the same as 2 weeks ago but i have not followed my meal plan so today i had breakfast and my lunch and a supplement to start. I really don't want to blow my moving on my own into an apartment my nutritionist said not to blow it and my therapist said i have lost a week in getting on track and things aren't magically be better when i move in so I should really get on it now and how many times do we have to have this conversation and me say i am trying and not really doing it. my nutritionist also said i need my weight up before i have my wisdom teeth out. I am not doing that until i move out so I should have it up but i really can't weigh myself because it is obviously not even right because it was higher on my end and my nutritionist said it was the same as last time...and i was down i don't know if i can trust my scale and i will never gain if i keep weighing myself because i won't allow it...


Hi. I am glad that you realize you cannot have a scale. With this realization now firm, when are you going to trash the scale. I am being a bit harsh here but it is your life we are talking about. Knowing you can't own a scale and that it is detrimental is great. But that has to be followed up by action. Actually trashing the scale.

I understand to a point, from all you've told us about your struggles. But you have to take action here. Or you can remain with the eating disorder life for as long as you live. It must be frustrating for your therapist to not know what is really going on since you lie to her. There is a reason for lying. am not passing judgement, but honesty is the way out. You have got to be as honest as you can.

I tell things to my therapist that are truly painful and shame filled, but if I don't I won't be free from the fears and bondage I am in. I even had to face a wall once to tell her some things. She said she believed I didn't have to do that that I was capable of facing her. For the rest of the time I sat in my chair and had very little eye contact but I told her things that are painful.

I find that if I am not honest, I always go back and say that I wasn't honest. Then we talk about why and what was so difficult to say the truth. I can't let it go on and on.

Recovery is absolutely so difficult. But you and all of us have to decide if we really want it. It lies to us telling us it will take care of us, that it is our friend, don't listen to those lies.

I hope and pray that you are able to do what needs to be done so you can keep your therapist and that you throw out your scale. You are not a number. It is tough, I know, as I have recently gained weight and don't like it at all. But I have to remind myself I am not a number, my worth is in Who Christ says I am: deeply loved, forgiven, precious in His sigh. He helps me. I am in a family crisis now and am scared. I had to go to a friends house to protect myself from my sister until Monday when my parents get back.

There are some things we can change, some things we can't. I hope you decide recovery.

Said with love,

thanks for the support i didn

thanks for the support i didn't weigh myself today and followed my meal plan yesterday and know i have to physically trash the scale i think i am going to put it in my cats trash can where i throw her food and litter then i won't be tempted to pull it out because that is gross and i am also trashing that today. My therapist texted to check in today and asked if i am doing what i am supposed to do i was still in bed and it was late but she said that was self care because i was allowing myself to relax but said i needed breakfast and text her when i had it so i did. she was happy.

i have to just do it and with painful things i have told her about my abuse i don't give her eye contact and she gets it and she has said my story is hard and sad and we can't change it i just have to live life in the now.i have a lot of positives in my life now and i have to fight for them she said i still protect people who hurt me because it protects my illness as well. like i lie to people about how i am doing and don't tell them about the issues of my life but in part it is shame. but also she says i will do anything to protect my eating disorder. I have lived so much of my life with it and like i want it like i want to have my cake and eat it too like all the good things and my eating disorder but my eating disorder will take all the good away. she said i have already been to the near death stages enough times and lived in and out of treatment and lost portions of life and jobs and everything. now i have a job i have had for 3 years been hospitalized but not in a whole year for the first time in years. close to but have held out and powered through i am on shaky ground but have to just do the right things. my own apartment is waiting.