National Eating Disorders Association

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Relation between virginity and ED

Hi I just heard that my ex-gf lost her virginity to a guy on 1st date. She broke it off with him afterwards but I am slightly concerned about her health. She is my best friend for like 7 years and during our relationship, she opened up about her bulimia . Now this strange incident is making me feel cheated and hurt. But also I'm torn between understanding the situation or leaving her be as after she got to know that I know , I was surprisingly cut-off and blocked everywhere because she didn't wanted me to know.
I wanted to know why is it that i feel cheated even though i'm not involved with her anymore and also I was under the impression that sex is uncomfortable for people suffering from ED so I'm worried sick as to what has happened to her and if she's okay health-wise. Any input will be appreciated

Cut off.

Yep, it sounds like she really doesn't want to talk to you about it, having cut you off like that. On their first date and all, I can see why she might not want to field a lot of questions, you know ?

People with EDs can have sex like anyone else, depending on their attitude that is. It sounds to me like it wasn't anything she wanted to repeat with this fellow though, so who knows what the experience was like for her. Nothing she wants to talk about, apparently, but you are right that it's too bad she had to reject a friend like yourself over it. :-(


There may have been a complex battle within her mind in terms of her eating disordered related feelings about her body and her sex drive. She might have acted on impulse and then felt bad about it afterwards for not saving her first time for someone she cared about, or even felt like she had betrayed you. Perhaps she feels that she can't face you because she feels that she has done you an injustice.
But this is where things get tricky. Sometimes women want you to fight for them - and that means continuing to reach out to them. But other times they no longer want anything to do with you - that's something that has to be to terms with. I've been cut out of the lives of women that I've cared for and who I thought cared about me before - best friends, lovers, you name it. Its certainly tough, and I feel for you; I'd say try for a little longer but accept it if she no longer wants you in her life. Sometimes people just change their minds; and although it hurts, they have that right.

Getting in contact

Is there any way I can make her to talk to me ? Like things I should say to her or something ?

Hi jackh!

I recommend checking out the Parent Toolkit - its not just for parents - link here:

It has a lot of great advice and tips on how to talk to those with ED. You can't make her do anything, but trust your instincts! Don't push her to talk to you if it seems like she doesn't want to. This sounds like a really complicated situation, so good luck!


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