National Eating Disorders Association

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Refuses Help

I have an anorexic friend, whom refuses help, that lives 163 miles away from me. We used to go to school together, but my family had to move due to my dad's work. We are both twelve years old and girls. My friend has always be a toothpick. She was always the skinniest girl. I suffered from the symptoms of anorexia for a while, and I will most likely relapse when I finish school. I just got an iPhone for my birthday. While using Kik to talk to a mutual friend of ours she told me she starves herself and self harms. I cried so hard. After being given her Instagram I stalked her, basically. All of her pictures talked about insecurities, weight and some were thinspos. I wanted to cry so badly. Not to mention she dances. I do dance also, and it is an INTENSE sport. She refuses the help her friends offer her. She won't admit to being an anorexic either. The reason behind her eating disorder is unknown to me. She had a bullying problem last year, and her parents aren't home as much, so it's possibly for attention. I don't understand why she does it to herself, yet I do. I understand her mindset. I just overly care for her. I want her to be happy and healthy like she used to be. I've already informed my dad that I believe she has anorexia. I just wish, hope and pray she gets help. She's twelve, she has so much to live for.

Stay gold my dancing babe!

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Your response could save my best friend's life.


Hi there!

Thank you for using these forums! You are an amazing young lady! You are mature and compassionate and have a true heart for your friends!

It makes me sad to realize that young women your age have these influences that make this illness take form. Although I had an eating disorder while in school, it was vastly different because I am male. But, I can still relate to the pain you feel for your friends.

It is very difficult to seek help. Our society has made recovery something negative in that it is our faults to have needed help in the first place. This is not true! We do not want these problems that tear us apart! Seeking help is a sign of strength not weakness!

Have you told your friends about NEDA? There are great resources here. Try looking at these links:

I am troubled though that you stated that you will probably relapse... How can I help support you? The most important step in helping your friends is by helping you! Do you have any means of support through your family?

Thanks for the advice. I'm

Thanks for the advice. I'm literally counting the days till I can see my friend. Until then I'll try to stay strong. I really appreciate the support that some people offer.

You are amazing

Hi redcrayonsrule -

I have to agree with Michael26 - You are an amazing person! You are an incredible friend and your friends are lucky to have you. I can tell how much you care about them. Do you have a trusted adult you can talk to about what is going on? A parent, a counselor or a coach/dance teacher?

You are exactly right that your friend has so much to live for. And so do you! Here are some resources that may help you and your friend: - this information gives out symptoms of an ED and if your friend reads it and sees the symptoms, it may help her denial.

I also agree with Michael26 that NEDA is a great place to start. Maybe you can pass along the NEDA hotline to them. It's completely confidential.

You ARE making a difference

I support all the comments above - you are being an amazing friend who has a heart of gold! Just remember, even if it doesn't seem like your friend wants help or is being responsive, you ARE making a difference just by sticking by her and being strong. It is not an easy task and you should be proud of yourself. Each person's ED story and recovery is different, but you are doing the most that you can possibly do for your friend by being loving and thoughtful. Best of luck to you both!