National Eating Disorders Association

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Peachgirl43
Purging nightmare

So I've gone a full week with no purging. Yes, I'm proud . However, theres this constant urge to purge. The eating disorder thoughts are loud. All I hear in my head is that you are a fat piece of shit, you need to lose tons of weight, you're not worthy and you need to purge all your food. I'm trying to ignore all these thoughts but there intense . I feel so weak and helpless, there's a big part of me that really wants to give in to this demon and purge because it will feel so good. But there's another side of me that's trying to heal myself. All I know is I don't know how to do recovery , I'm messing up daily by having all these evil thoughts. I'm hoping I can get through this day without purging, but I really don't think I'm going to make it. Please help I'm so confused and oh so alone!!

LegacyofLove
Purging Nightmare

Dear Peachgirl43,

Thank you for being so brave to reach out through this wonderfully supportive forum and share your important thoughts and struggles with your eating disorder (ED). Yes, you should be proud that you've gone a fully week without purging. I understand that as you continue to move forward and heal from this ED, the thoughts often times get stronger, in an effort to keep a hold of you, because you are taking a hold of it. So, there will be sometimes that the ED, which is a mental, biological and society based disease that nobody asks for and nobody deserves!

There's HOPE though! You CAN do this. Please know that you are NOT alone. We're here for you. Do you have a therapist trained in ED's that you've reached out to? If not, I'll put a link down below to locate a therapist, and support group, as well as other helpful and supportive links. I would also encourage you to reach out to the NEDA Helpline #1.800.931.2237 Mon-Thurs. 9am-9pm/Fri. 9am-5pm (EST). They are trained in ED's and incredibly informative and supportive.

Seeking and securing treatment: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/seeking-and-securing-treatment
Support groups: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/neda-support-groups
Sharing w ease: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/sharing-eeease
Recovery and relapse prevention: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/recovery-and-relapse-prevention

I hope I've been able to provide to help, support and guidance. Please keep us posted on your progress and how we can further support you in your journey of claiming the ED-free life you deserve!

Healing Hugs,
Legacy of Love

nanzhu
You are strong!

Peachgirl43,

Congratulations on your week free of purging - that is a great accomplishment! I just wanted to re-emphasize Legacy of Love's point that EDs are so multifactorial with mental, biological, and environmental influences that all contribute to how much power they can have over us. I struggled with a something along the same vein in my ED recovery. Even after I had stopped restricting and had improved many of my ED outward behaviors, I still had constantly nagging thoughts in my head about food/eating all day long. This is why ED recovery can be so complicated and unique for everyone. But, never forget or doubt how strong you are! Getting through the physical part, like being binge-free, is one step of the journey. The mental part is another that, though it may be difficult, you CAN and DESERVE to overcome as well! Don't forget the progress you've already made. There will be ups and downs but no one deserves to be overwhelmed - both physically and mentally - by the grip of an ED. I'm hopeful that you are acknowledging and recognizing these thoughts. Keeping track of when they strike and talking about it with a therapist or medical professional can help you find ways to stop them in their tracks. I hope this helps!
Wishing you all the best,
Nan