National Eating Disorders Association

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ontherightpath
Please Help and Listen

Hi.

This is my first time on this website. I didn't know what to do, where to turn, and I found myself here.

I've had some sort of eating disorder (perhaps EDNOS, I'm not sure) for a while now. Maybe 6 months. I've gone through body image problems likewise.

Anyways, I've begun to base my self-worth on what I eat and what I don't eat. I obsess over food. I feel that it controls my life.
Some days, I eat hardly anything all day so I can pig out at night while still meeting my calorie needs. Others, I tell myself I'll stop restricting, so I end up feeling like I'm overeating all day long. Other days I eat almost normally all the way up till afternoon, at which point I somehow begin to binge bit by bit for the rest of the night.

I've remained at around a consistent weight, but there is no way I am mentally healthy. I feel horrible. Yesterday I had perhaps the biggest binge of all time, and today I starved all day until dinner.

I have psyched myself up, told myself I would recover, and had so much hope for a brighter future. The past few days, I just haven't been able to see that in myself anymore. I feel as though I am completely stuck and can find no way out. I just don't know what to do or how to fight this, or if I'll ever be able to eat normally again. Even when I do force myself to eat "normally" all day, thoughts of food consume me and I am definitely not mentally normal.

I am already seeing a therapist for stress counseling, but I do not feel as though I can talk to her about this. She thinks I am so normal compared to her other patients. I find I am unable to explain this side of me to her.

Please, someone help me. Encourage me. Refer me to a life-changing book about ED or anything to give me hope. I just want to feel better again.

eghall
You are on the right track

First off, I am so happy you are seeing a therapist. Congrats on that really big step towards recovery! It sounds like you may need a therapist that specializes in EDs. It sounds like your therapist may not understand the entire spectrum of EDs. It's not about meeting a certain criteria as much as it is what is going on in your head. It's like you said, it's about being mentally healthy. Would you be willing to switch to a therapist that specializes in ED's? NEDA can help you find one.

I believe in you and your strength to get through this!