National Eating Disorders Association

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ToBeMeAgain
Please help, advice, sympathy, anything

I feel horrible. Quick backstory- my disordered eating started in 10th grade as a result of being bullied, in which case I resorted to overeating. Then almost a year later I started restricting, until my 1st "recovery", which I quickly became obsessed with. Now I just got home from college Summer semester (my 1st one) and have 10 days until I go back for Fall.
I don't know what to do, I went to my school nutritionist who was tremendously helpful and my mom is so supportive. I'm pretty sure I've relapsed again, since I've lost weight and I don't know why I can't bring myself to eat more than certain # calories-I always aim for what I think is maintenance but I don't even know anymore. The thing is I've always saved most of my calories for nighttime because it's just one of my things. Also I'm on antidepressants and have been diagnosed with OCD. I've been trying to increase with the nutritionist but I always find myself "saving" for certain foods. Now I'm home for 10 more days which already gives me anxiety because there's less exercise at home than school (I know its dumb) but I mean I do really like food it's just hard. My parents have told me a million times "why can't you just eat?!" of course I know I'm not the only one but tonight I ate a full meal with my family and some friends and it was really good. But I never get hungry and I want to get better so bad but don't know how to get past my obsessions. My biggest success has been 'overmeasuring' certain safefoods and counting them as less but it hasn't been enough and I just feel like a sinking ship. Please help :(

thesporkhop
Stay strong

Hi ToBeMeAgain!

Thank you for posting your story to the forums. As someone who has suffered myself, I know how alienating and anxious it can make you feel. It's wonderful that you have a good support system and a nutritionist to help you. Have you considered also seeing a counselor? I know that when I started seeing one my eating patterns started to even out as I confronted the underlying causes of my ED. You can contact the NEDA Helpline for information on support groups and counseling services @ 1.800.931.2237 to further your hard work in your journey.

Keep posting to the forums!

ToBeMeAgain
Thank you for your reply! I

Thank you for your reply! I actually used to have a counselor and am in the process of finding a new psychiatrist. However, I never really addressed the way I ate/what time, more like what it was. I've gotten to the point where I understand that I have to gain weight and I like certain foods like crazy, but I can't bring myself to gain :(
Thank you again!

tifftuo
Similarities

Hi, I can't be very helpful to you but just wanted to let you know that it seems like my ED might be similar to yours. I'm totally new at this and just realizing I have a problem. Best of luck to you :)

banannaomi
Hi, ToBeMeAgain

Hey, love! It sounds like you've been having such a rough time lately, and I'm so sorry to hear that. :( It sounds like you are headed in the right direction, just really struggling currently, and that's okay. Not to be too cliche, but it really does get pretty dark before the dawn if better times, and it sounds like this might be relevant to what you're going through. I know better times are ahead for you if you just keep at the recovery effort when you can, working with and trusting your treatment team.

You honestly sound like a strong person. And I'm not saying that just because you're looking for help and sympathy. You honestly do. Remember the NEDA Hotline is here for you, if ever you need help finding resources. They're great at that!

Keep us updated!
Anna Naomi

ToBeMeAgain
Thank you for everyone

Thank you for everyone showing their support, some days its just horrible and others I'm just fine. Tifftuo-go us, we can do it!!!!!! Not sure how but as banannaomi so beautifully put it we have to keep on keeping on :) Yes its soo easy to just say this but as I've gone through these comments I thought of quote by JK Rowling/Dumbledore; "hope can be found in even the darkest of times if one remembers to turn on the light" (something like that) I have a shaky support team now but hopefully will be getting a more concrete one with school! Thank you so much for your care and wisdom banannaomi :)

ToBeMeAgain
I'm on and off having trouble

I'm on and off having trouble with my mom. I get that she doesn't know what to do, but half the time she's completely sympathetic and the other half she's so negative about my recovery, insisting that I'm not caring and that I don't care about myself or my family. All this happens though I still eat. Any suggestions to comfort her and my family that I am getting better and it DOESN'T help to blame me? Please + thank you :)

mycatblue
ToBeMeAgain

Hi ToBeMeAgain

Your mom could probably use a little guidance to learn how to best support you while you go through recovery. NEDA has some resources that you can suggest she read when you broach the subject with her. The second link includes the info for the NEDA Navigators program which is a really great resource, the program with connect her with a volunteer that has supported a loved one through recovery.

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/parent-toolkit
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/parent-family-friends-network

Good luck and please keep us updated on your recovery!

ToBeMeAgain
I went to a therapist

I went to a therapist appointment with my parents and I think it helped us :) I have another problem though- I prefer eating most of my food at night and its making me suffer for lack of sleep and reduced overall intake :/ The thing is its an ocd thng so its not entirely a choice it feels like. anyone else have this problem or had it?

pbwhite
Hi ToBeMeAgain. One thing my

Hi ToBeMeAgain. One thing my nutritionist suggested for my husband and mom was to read a book about eating disorders since both people really love me but were of the thought that suggesting to just eat something was helpful. The book really provided safe and helpful ways to support someone with an Eating Disorder while they work towards revcovery. Perhaps that would be something to look into.

_admin_moderator
Edited Post

Just to let you know, we moderated just a bit of content on this thread. NEDA can't support any particular approach, product, book, etc. Thanks for understanding!

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