National Eating Disorders Association

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Smadeliene
Not quite sure to handle this

My boyfriend has recently told me of his ed (bulimia) and I've been trying to be as supportive as I can. He's agreed to getting help, and today I just kind of lost it. Ive been trying not to let my feelings about it show but something about today just made me snap. I started crying, and when he asked why and I told him how overwhelming this all was, that I will always be here for him it's all just new to me and a lot to take in at once. He immediately shut down, started blaming himself for dragging me into this, which is not at all what I wanted, and he started to get upset about it himself. I feel like I am alone on my side of it all and can't express to him at all how I feel like without hurting him.
I guess I just need some advice on how to be the best I can for him, I know how hard it is on him and only want to help.

stormy
Hi Smadeliene!

Hi Smadeliene!

First of all, thank you for reaching out and sharing with the forums. I know it can be tough to watch a loved one suffer with an ED and wanted to share some of NEDA's resources to help you in your boyfriend's journey to recovery:

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/parent-toolkit
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/parent-family-friends-network

The toolkit says it's the parent kit, but it's really for anyone who is supporting a loved one. It will help you to understand what they are going through so it's more comfortable for you to wrap your head around. The second link includes a link to the NEDA Navigators who can provide you with information on therapy sessions in your area in case your boyfriend finds it helpful, or if you decide you would like to get outside support as well. There are also trained NEDA Navigators who are available for you to talk to as a shoulder to lean on in a confidential and comfortable way.

I hope this is helpful to you and wish you the best on this tough road. Please give the NEDA Helpline a call at 1-800-931-2237 and keep posting to the forums!

als2908
Hi Smadeliene, thanks for

Hi Smadeliene, thanks for reaching out. I hear how much you care for you boyfriend and I’m so happy that you want to help. Stormy provided you with great information. I also encourage you to not blame yourself for what’s happening. I think it’s easy to feel helpless, but this is not you or your boyfriend’s fault. ED’s don’t discriminate, but unfortunately do have devastating effects of the sufferer and their loved ones. In addition to the information Stormy provided you, would consider seeing your own therapist to help you through this difficult time. Keep us posted. We’ll be thinking of you!

Smadeliene
Thank you, I very much

Thank you, I very much appreciate the help. It seems in the last week, since he has stopped throwing up he just now isn't eating much at all. Today he fell asleep at work, was forced to tell his boss and now has a paid week off. Our therapy appt is Saturday but in the mean time he is so malnourished and exhausted that he is slurring his words, and can barely stand. Any suggestions on how/what I can get him to eat? The last thing I want to do is threaten a trip to the er but it's starting to seem as though I may have to.

torib23
Hi Smadeliene,

It sounds like your boyfriend is really struggling with his physical health right now, and I encourage you to call 911 if you feel it to be necessary. I'm so glad that you have a therapy appointment set up, but in the meantime, his immediate health is of utmost importance. Please do not hesitate to reach out to emergency services if you're worried.

Stay strong, and please let us know what happens!!
Tori