National Eating Disorders Association

Stories of Hope

My Be*YOU*tiful Me
By Jeanette Suros

? My Be*YOU*tiful Me Story My name is Jeanette Suros and I am four years in full recovery from Anorexia. My thoughts started at 5 in gymnastics as I would compare myself to everyone. By age 10 I was already in an eating disorder but no one knew, not even myself. My gymnastics and cheerleading became no longer an enjoyment but a way to let ED come out more and more. In High school I was entirely consumed in my eating disorder. I isolated and avoided anything that had to do with food. I/ED was lying all the time. I was passing out left and right at school. In the emergency room they diagnosed me with Anorexia Nervosa. I was in complete denial. I was taken out of cheerleading and gymnastics but that didn’t stop me. My eating disorder would tell me the things I can and cannot do. I was living a life that was a nightmare. But at this time I thought if I listened to everything ED told me, I would be happier and feel better about myself. But it was never enough. No matter what the weight was it was never enough. My vitals and weight were very low and I was slowly dying. By age 17 I had a heart attack. I was in the ICU and then transferred to Somerset Medical Center Eating Disorder Unit. I was in there for a few months but I still was consumed in ED and wasn’t ready to let go, I was so confused when I went in there. I was able to go to my senior prom and graduate. But I was not there my Eating Disorder was. I was in and out of treatment from 17-22 and had to withdraw multiple times from college. My eating disorder convinced me that things will be better if I lose X amount of pounds. It was like my friend who I could always count on to be there to numb me from all my troubles. But in reality it wanted to kill me. That’s what eating disorders want to do. They want to kill you. How could someone be that terrible right? It was till my last time inpatient and in Partial at Somerset Hospital that I was done in I realized I had relapsed and even though doctors were going to recommend inpatient for how my status was I went in that day to my doctors and said I know I need help and I want to end it all with my eating disorder for once. I was tired of living with ED. My eyes also opened up when the kids I babysat and how I mentor to girls who were transitioning into high school, that they all are looking up to me. What example am I showing these kids? I want them to love themselves and treat their bodies’ right and I am not even doing that to mine. I went into treatment that last time and I was there for two months and then went over to partial I ended in the summer when I was 22. I am now going to be 25 and I am 4 years in full recovery. Recovery is not easy but it is worth it. When you really want it, it will work. In Recovery you will have the passing thoughts and some days will be harder than others. But you will be able to overcome them. It is finally feeling free and that your ED is no longer controlling you anymore. You control it now. I thought that I was going to be with my eating disorder forever. I thought that’s who I am, but no you are not your disorder. You may have an eating disorder but that is not you. You are much more than that. I learned that by me going to my eating disorder in hard times it actually made things worse. Not only now am I dealing with whatever hard time is going on I am also dealing with being sick with my eating disorder and making things ten times harder. The problems never go away they will always be there and if you don’t go head first into them and deal with them they will only manifest. I am not perfect, I am far from it. I have come to realize that is okay. I have my flaws and imperfections and you know what that’s completely fine because I’m only human. I make mistakes everyday but I learn from them and move forward. I am now finishing school even though I still have a few years. I am now closer than I was to being a therapist and specializing in eating disorders. I plan on being a part of NEDA, I want to go around and speak and show others that I am living proof that recovery from an eating disorder is possible. I am starting an event for the first time with my best friend/sister Nicole for mental health. All these amazing things I would never be able to do with my eating disorder. I honestly believe that we all go through things for a reason. I asked myself why am I going through this. Why couldn’t I be “Normal?” Well no one is normal let’s just start there however we are all human. But I believe through recovery I went through this because I was meant to make a difference. We are human and we are all worthy of happiness and beauty in life. Love yourself and love your body for all it does for you. And always remember you are worth so much more than your struggles. You are never alone and never be afraid to ask for help. Life is so much better when ED is gone! You have the power to do anything your heart desires! Recovery is possible and I am living proof that it is and for those who are struggling you can be too! Back to top