National Eating Disorders Association

Stories of Hope

But that.... Isn't... Me!
By Missi Gee

For more than four years, my eating disorder consumed my life. I could not go anywhere or do anything without food weighing me down. I felt like I had no place to turn to, no one in whom I could put my faith in. It gnawed at me endlessly, making me feel like I had no options. I tied my self-worth to that number I saw everyday on the scale that was never exactly where I wanted it to be. I did everything I could to engage in the eating disorder…everything. For those years I let my eating disorder define me.
But that.... Isn't... Me.
I write this story in honor of NEDAwareness week 2014, “I Had NO Idea”.
I am now healthy and my life is more precious now than I ever thought before. I no longer spend countless hours agonizing over what lies and harsh thoughts my eating disorder wanted me to think. I can live my life. Food isn't my enemy any more. I have time to do what I love and what is good for me. I have spent six years training in martial arts, but I don't think I was ever as dedicated to it as I am now. It helps me to relax, to feel like I have control, to exercise in a healthy manner. I excel even more academically than those years where an eating disorder ran my life. I was even accepted to my top school with thousands of dollars in scholarships. Even though an eating disorder took up a portion of my life that I can never get back, I wouldn't change it. It made me who I am. Yeah it was awful going through it, but, after receiving the help I deserved, I am a stronger, healthier, more compassionate person than I've ever been. It even led me to decide to major in psychology to help others feeling the way I did overcome their battle as well, because YOU CAN.
Dear Reader, You are not alone. You are strong enough to get through this. Asking for help does not mean you are weak, it means you are strong enough to admit you can't do this alone. There are tons of professionals eager to help. You just have to look around. You can do this. I believe in you. It will be hard, but you can conquer this. Good luck. Keep your head held high and stay strong.

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