National Eating Disorders Association

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cdbee
New, starting treatment, compulsive/binge eating

Hi all,
I'm just popping in for the first time and want to say hello, give a little info about myself, and see if anyone else identifies in some of the ways I do.

I'm a 25 year old white, straight, cisgender (identify as the gender I was assigned at birth) Jewish woman. I'm a registered nurse working in community health/primary care in New England. I'm an activist doing grassroots organizing to subvert and ultimately overhaul our screwed up health care system. I'm passionate about supporting progressive social movements (inculding but not limited to anti-racism, workers rights, queer and trans inclusion, disability advocacy, immigration rights, and anti-gentrification efforts) by providing first aid and ongoing medical support to communities struggling against injustice and oppression. I am active in the local polyamorous community and have room for many wonderful people in my heart.

In my pre-teen and teenage years I suffered from pretty bad anxiety and OCD, and developed Tourrettes Syndrome around age 11. I saw a therapist between the ages of 11-14 whom I credit, along with my parents and a few teachers and guidance counselors, with the fact that I am a functioning independent adult (or as my mother would say, I'm employed and have health insurance- not that folks who are uninsured are that way through any fault of their own, but that's a different story). As I've grown into adulthood, and also become a clinician myself, I've realized how outside the norm my experience of early adolescence was. For about a year I saw my therapist three times a week, almost the equivalent of an intensive outpatient psych program. Because of the amount of privilege I have (I am white, straight, cisgender, and come from an upper middle class family), it feels odd to acknowledge that I really struggled, and apparently continue to struggle, with mental illness and that I lack privilege in that way.

I have had a messed up relationship with food since late in elementary school. In the last year I've started to identify my behaviors as binge or compulsive eating. I fit the DSM V criteria, though I haven't had a psychiatrist diagnose me. I do have a psych who treats my ADHD/OCD/anxiety/Tourrettes, but I don't know that he'd venture into the territory of eating disorders.

So here's my plan: I've got a therapist that I'm working with, and I've been seeing my doctor every three months and she's really supportive. I'm working with a personal trainer because I want a body that's strong enough to carry me through the life I want to live. Unfortunately she is moving to the next town over, and I won't be able to get there because I don't have a car, so I'm going to have to get a new trainer, but I've got a few leads. I have an appointment with a nutritionist next week, and I'm a little nervous about that part. Talking about food and eating habits is hard and brings up a lot of emotions for me. I'm going to arrange to spend the night at my best friend's house after that appointment so I'll know I have some support waiting for me (plus she has an amazing toddler who lights up my life).

So that's who I am and where I'm at. It seems like I wrote a whole lot, but I'm sure some of you can identify with the feeling of wanting to open the floodgates and say everything when you first find a support forum. If anything in my experience resonates with you, I'd love to talk.

Be well,
Charlotte