National Eating Disorders Association

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trenttl03
New to this and struggling

I'm so thankful that I've found this website. I just found out 3 weeks ago that my 29 year old daughter is suffering from anorexia. She called to let me know that she was going to an in-patient facility in Colorado. She also told me that she didn't tell me her issues before because she knew I would feel guilty. When I asked her how long she has been suffering her response was "does it matter?". I wanted to say yes it matters, however, I couldn't think of a reason why except to torture myself on why I missed it when she was at home. I'm very happy that she's getting help but am unsure of what I can do to help her. I've been communicating with her via text almost daily. I've repeatedly told her to please let me know what I can do to support her. She thanks me and changes the subject. I feel such an emotional disconnect. I'm not sure if I should push to be more involved or just back off and let her come to me. She's married to a super guy, so I know she has a lot of support. I just don't know what my role is. Any advice?

dropthemetaphor
re: New to this and struggling

Hi trenttl03--welcome to the forums! I noticed that you posted a similar thread in the Partners/Spouses forum last week (under "Adult daughter support") and just wanted to point you over there in case you haven't seen the responses to your original post: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/adult-daughter-support#new. Myself and two other users left you some comments and links that I hope you find helpful. But of course, feel free to use this Parents forum moving forward as well! Please keep us posted on your daughter's progress--we are all here for you!

trenttl03
Thank you so much! For some

Thank you so much! For some reason, I couldn't find my original post. I so appreciate your help!

dropthemetaphor
re: Thank you so much! For some

Of course! There are so many forums and so many threads, it's hard to keep them straight sometimes. :)

aprilmayjune
also new to this site

I have a 20 year old daughter who was residential in June and now has taken a medical leave from college and is again in a residential treatment center. This one seems much better for her than the last one. I am glad she is getting help but am glad to have found this page as I do not know of any other parents who are dealing with this issue with a adult daughter. Any words of wisdom are welcome!

dropthemetaphor
re: also new to this site

Hey aprilmayjune--welcome! So glad you found us. You've come to the right place for support. This is an excellent community and I know many of the forum users can relate to what you're going through. Have you been able to peruse any of the other threads on the Parents forum? I think you'll find some relevant concerns and advice from the other members of the community.

I myself am not a parent of a sufferer, but I'm a recovered bulimic myself, so I can tell you that NEDA offers a bunch of resources for parents and other loved ones on how to start wrapping their heads around ED and providing the best support possible, beginning with the excellent Parent Toolkit: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/sites/default/files/Toolkits/Par....

Here are a few other links you might find helpful:

General info on EDs (not sure how much research you've already done, but the first step is always understanding the beast): https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/general-information

Lots of great pages and guidance on how to help a loved one: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/help

Hope this helps and please keep us posted. We're here for you!

trenttl03
aprilmayjune, I'm sorry you

aprilmayjune, I'm sorry you have to go through this, it can be confusing and overwhelming. one thing that has helped me so far, is the mantra, "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it". However, I still struggle with the "I didn't cause it" part. I would recommend reading everything you can get your hands on about eating disorders, getting counseling for yourself and letting your daughter know that you're there for her and will do what you can to support her recovery. I hope this helps.

aprilmayjune
also new to this site

Thanks so much for the info. It's hard not to spend the whole day going through all of the info! I'm sure it will be helpful