National Eating Disorders Association

13 posts / 0 new
Last post
hermione3
Nervous to meet new doctor

Meeting a new eating disorder specialist medical doctor tomorrow. I finally told my parents who were happy because they I guess didn't like my current doctor either and didn't feel she did well by me. They are not happy it's out of network but said they will take it for now as a better thing for me. I am a bit nervous...

iwanttolive
hermione3

Hi there, I completely understand, well as completely as I can, your anxieties about a new therapist. Change is difficult but it very well may be what you need, not necessarily what you want. Do you know anything about her at all? Did you check her out online? It is so wonderful that your parents are helping you, financially. That must mean a lot to you. I only wish and pray for the best for you. Let us know how things go.

You are being very brave and it tells of your desire to recover. That is a really good place to be. Understanding that wanting recovery doesn't mean it is going to be easy. But worth it. I am proud of you and your courage. Take care, and keep us posted.
iwanttolive

hermione3
Thanks for the support its

Thanks for the support its not a new therapist but a medical doctor for the physical aspect and my parents are nto at all helping me financially I pay for everything they just support the doctor change they said if i lose social security i have to cut down on therapy sessions because there is no money and i don't make enough my whole income goes to therapy so that will suck i need letters now from my providers to see if i can keep it and am freaking out...so lots to stress about...

iwanttolive
hermione3

I am so sorry I misunderstood. I am sad for you that your parents are not supporting you. I would be lost without my parents. Why would you lose social security. Is it ssd, or ssi. If ssi could you get ssd which is not only for medical but also psychiatric. I am on that and in a program called Medicaid for the working disabled.

I would really like to know how it goes tomorrow. iwanttolive

hermione3
I would lose my social

I would lose my social security because i make too much money; the money I make is just enough to pay for appointments i don't know what is thats hardly enough its like my whole income goes to appointments and i have other bills like rent and stuff it sucks...i am on my moms insurance which is good because I have all out of network providers my parents have no money they can't help pay for me too...i have a job i am expected to pay for things i need and want but my mom said no way i can afford the amount of appointments i have now...off to the doctor soon update after.

iwanttolive
hermione3

Hi. Did you see your doctor yet? How did it go?
I am not sure what state you are in but I have Medicare and Medicaid for the working disabled. I have to keep my earnings between a certain amount of hours but I am unable to work more than I am anyways. I also get social security disability which is different than social security supplemental income, I may have the exact wording wrong there. But I do know that the with SSI it your amount you receive is relevant to how much you earn. Are you able to work. I am in an incentive program where they allow me to work, and get what is called Medicaid for the working disabled. It enables me to work, get Medicaid and keep my Medicare as well as my SSD. So I was wondering if you have looked into any of these options.
I really hope today went well. Please keep us posted.
iwanttolive

hermione3
thanks i am on ssi maybe

thanks i am on ssi maybe because i can work and i work full time and that is why i may lose it and i am on my moms insurance and since i see out of network doctors i need that because that is how i pay for them i get reimbursment checks i don't think medicaid and medicare do that and if i lose social security i won't be able to get either so either way i am sort of screwed i just need to keep what i have. anyway the doctors appointment went well the doctor was super nice and actually understood my issues and was concerned about my heart rate which is well fast because she said i am dehydrated and she wanted me to know that is a lot of stress on my heart and that is not a good thing so i have to get blood work and an ekg and well my blood pressure wasn't great and a big drop when standing up which she said was not great. I am not that concerned about my health usually so she said she will be and seh wants to see me every 3 to 4 weeks i was surprised by that...i thought it would be all you are fine move on so every few months luckily my moms insurance completely covers this doctor so we will see . i liked her though

iwanttolive
hermione3

Hi. Thanks for the update. I now understand about your SSI. I am concerned when you say you don't care about your health. Being told that your heart is having a lot of stress and your blood pressure doing what it is doing is serious. Do you not understand how serious this is? If you do and you just don't care, what does that mean? Do you still want to stay in the fight, or are you saying you are ready to give up? You really need to be completely honest with your care providers. I am surprised she didn't give you fluids. Are you going to be able to drink more? I am really concerned. I am glad to hear you like her and that she is covered under insurance. Were you able to be completely honest with her? It is so important at this point with your health being so fragile that you do be honest.

I hear some indifference and it worries me that you may not care about recovery. I may be real off base here, but since I don't see the whole picture, I may be way off. I hope and pray you don't give up. Please keep us updated. I really care about you. Fight.

iwanttolive

Another thought. Are you in denial of how serious things are? Denial acts as a defense mechanism. Kinda keeps us stuck. Just wondering based on what you said about thinking your doc would only need to see you every few months and then everything would be fine. Please trust the professions if you are unable to see for yourself or can understand all of it. I was in extreme denial for years and years, and my parents feared for my life on many occasions. I still do not realize how ill I was and I am nine and a half months into recovery. I am not judging you at all. Not at all. I care and that is why I am asking some tough questions..
With love,
iwanttolive

hermione3
thanks for the support i

thanks for the support i think i am in denial about the consequences to my health and what a fragile state i am in i think i am unable to see how serious it is and that I am putting too much stress on my heart and what not I don't know about drinking more i am bad with fluids always have been. i don't not want recovery i just want to be happy and probably that means recovery my therapist believes i want to feel better but second nature to turn to my eating disorder. i do think i am denial about my health hopefully my blood work and ekg will be ok. i told her i take iron so she asked if i am anemic which i have been but my last doctor never did blood work and the new doctor said i should have more blood work.

iwanttolive
Thank you

Hi. Thank you for your very honest response. Recovery is so difficult, many of us want to be and feel better and be rid of the "ed head", but gaining of the weight or adjustment to eating behaviors is too scary to change. That is the tight rope walk many of us experience. But I can tell you, once recovery or getting into a place of more acceptance, for me has so much changed my life. I battle with PSTD, a depressive mood disorder and anxiety. Unfortunately the meds they used for my back procedure caused extreme anxiety and my client I was with for four hours suffers from depression and anxiety. It was so difficult at work today, I almost had an anxiety attack with the two of us probably feeding off of each others anxiety. Not fun.

But I am proud of you for taking some steps in the right direction. Admitting you are not sure and realizing you may be in denial. That is huge. Thank you for trusting me and being open. Try to get some rest tonight. Sleep is so important. I am not sure if I will sleep well as I haven't been for several days. But a good nights sleep always helps.

Take care,
iwanttolive

hermione3
Thank you for understanding.

Thank you for understanding. I am often in denial about the damage my eating disorder does to me I never realized my heart was working to hard my last doctor never said stuff like that or checked my blood pressure both standing and sitting and noticed the difference I think this will help pull me out of denial a little. I scheduled blood work and looking for somewhere to do my EKG because she is concerned about my health I am happy I finally seem to have a doctor who cares. So will see her once my tests are in.

lovetowrite81
Hermione3

I'm glad to hear that your experience with the new doctor is going well & they seem to be someone who is caring, concerned, and able to frame things in a new perspective. Do you find this is increasing your motivation to recover at all? Just wanted to drop by and say hello and let you know you are on my mind and heart <3 And you are wonderful!

hermione3
It was great that she was

It was great that she was nice and also plans to work around my schedule which is great because mine is odd...but she seems great and pointed out things I didn't know about my own health and she said she will go over all my blood work with me nothing should be secret from me. This makes me happy I will finally know where I stand on things. I know that now knowing my heart is working too hard I am sort of concerned but probably not enough. But she said she will care for me and this weight is obviously not healthy for me with my blood pressure and lack of periods.