National Eating Disorders Association

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iwanttolive
in need of support

I have been struggling these past few days with fear. Fear that there is something really wrong with me. An autoimmune disease that runs in the family. Losing two fantastic ladies at work, as my cases are being taken over by others. I have no idea when I can go back, the doctor told me today he will not sign me to go to work yet. But then the insurance I have requires me to work and I might not be able to work before my sick leave is up. So that means a reduction in income from not working and from social services. I have some kind of bug that came back which is upsetting my stomach, and I am losing weight, but not intentionally. I worry because I want to talk to my caseworker for information if I am unable to return to work, but my mom gets angry when I mention it would give me peace of mind to explain the situation with my case worker. We or more like she, said wait until the 23rd which is cutting it close to my time of losing my benefits. I may be put on permanent disability and then I would lose my Medicaid. My mom says I can really mess things up if I talk to my case worker too soon, but what she doesn't realize is that time is running out and I need facts. She wants me to follow doctors orders and take the new medication prescribed, so I have to call the Fainting Center to see if I take it will it mess up my tests, and then I'd have to stop taking it for a few days before the testing and then resume it. That is hard on anyone's body. I am just afraid to go against my mom's directive because if she is right, I may mess things up for myself. She believes this pill will magically be the "magic" pill and everything will be back too normal in a few days and I can go back to work. I don't know what to do. Why am I afraid to do what I want to do. My Mom is very supportive and helpful, driving me places, shopping for me, going to the doctor's with me, which my therapist doesn't like that idea, so she can fill the doctor in on things I can't remember and to remember for me what the doctor said.

So, I would really appreciate prayers and support. My sister never comes out of her room, it's been about five days again. She lives in her bed and does nothing to help herself and her medical condition. All day today I was on the couch and I saw her once for about two minutes.

Thanks for reading this. As much as I post about the positive, there are days when I can not cope emotionally and the med I am on now makes me hyper and anxious. I am at a loss.

julesthefox
Here for you

We are always here for you! You're such a beautiful voice of hope and support. Please, don't ever feel like you should apologize for feeling down. You are entitled to your feelings! You have a right to express them. I am sorry things are so scary right now. I wish I could offer some advice, but know I, we are here and have your back. You are in my thoughts, and I hope things start going better for you soon. Recently, you seem to have had a little bit of a break. Hold on to that as right as you can! Don't let those good feelings of happiness and hope go. Look at how far you've come! You are so strong and amazing. You can and you will get through this. And we'll be with you all the way.
Lots of love and hugs,
Julesthefox