National Eating Disorders Association

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Hannerrr
Need someone to talk to

I only recently told people about my bulimia and it's only two really close people. I'm at a point where I need to start recovery though, I've tried myself so many times and not succeeded, since I've told people my purging has improved slightly but my emotions are getting worse. I feel so trapped and I find myself crying several times a day, I don't know what to do or who to go to. I feel that even though I've made the big step of finally telling someone that I'm still not really making improvement, not only am I not making improvement, I actually feel that it's worsening. I feel like it's not going to get better, and even if I can control the physical symptoms I feel that I have no control over the psychological ones. I just need to talk to someone who knows how I feel because I can't explain my feelings to the people I've told so they can't fully understand what I'm going through. I'm so desperate for help now, please can someone give me advice etc

michael26
Support!!

Hello!! Thank you for your post! I hope I can be of some help!!

I think you are so brave to share with others you trust how you've been struggling. It is super important to be able to communicate about these things. You are so strong!!

Each person's path to recovery is different and we all need to learn skills that help us as individuals fight the ED. I think that because each person learns in a different style it truly takes being connected with the right personalities of treatment professionals to connect with yourself and start rebuilding your life. A community of support, both of friends/family and professionals, is needed to help along each and every bump throughout recovery!

Are you currently seeing a therapist? I think therapists are really great resources to keep us accountable and help pick us up when we are struggling. If you don't have a therapist I highly recommend calling the NEDA Helpline to find resources in your area! All you need to do is call 1-800-931-2237 and a representative will help!

Another great resource slightly unrelated but great nonetheless is the NEDA Navigator program!! This program offers you the ability to be connected with a Navigator. Each Navigator is a trained volunteer who has experience in recovery! Navigators provide free, private support, advice, and companionship for issues related to recovery, treatment, and life in general!! To learn more here's a great link!

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/neda-navigators

I hope this helps! Please let me know if you have questions!!

Stay strong!! And I think it is AWESOME you are looking into treatment!!

fawkes4u
Hannerrr

Hi, I know what you mean. When I try to talk to anyone they just look at me say "well you can get away with doing that becasue of how you work out." But its so much more than worrying about gaining weight. For me its the loss of self control. The anxiety of walking into the kitchen afraid that I might binge. And constantly worrying about what im eating and how much Im eating. And trying to explain it to anyone that hasn't been through it, it just doesn't seem to work. Have you looked into therapy? Im looking into seeing a registered dietician and i keep a journal. For me this has only been going on for a few months but I want to fix it as soon as possible.

Avishek
I almost developed bulimia.

I almost developed bulimia. Bulimia is diagnosed when uncontrollable binge/purge episodes have continued for 3 mos. I did it a total of X times before just willing myself to stop. But it took me several years to develop a different perspective on things.

I, as a young male, wanted low body fat because I thought that was ideal for aesthetic purposes. Well it's not. Low body fat is not a signal of health and wellness past a certain point. Having a normal amount of fat on your body can be very attractive. If I had known that, I wouldn't have pursued restrictive eating habits to obtain really low body fat.

amyhintonvarner
I'm so glad you guys are

I'm so glad you guys are wanting help! That is the very first step in achieving your healthy and happy life! I promise, the onset of recovery was my darkest time also...I felt like things were just spiraling out of control. But I promise (and I know this sounds cliché) it does get better! Now that you want to live healthier and happier, as long as you stay in that mindset, you will get there!

Jules_8945
Question on what I should do

So I have been thinking of talking to someone of what I've been doing, like starving myself, bingeing and purging by taking laxatives but I sometimes feel like I'm doing fine and that I can control what I am doing and I don't think I have that bad or am sick enough. Should I still talk to someone even if I think I'm doing good?

iwanttolive
Jules_8945

HI. I am sorry you are struggling with these issues. The answer is yes. These problems can be life threatening and are serious. You need to tell someone and get help. See your medical doctor as well. These are serious issues and you need help and support to deal with them. Please reach out to someone you trust. Let us know what happens.

iwanttolive

s.boewer
I relate

I am recovered from both bulimia and anorexia and I understand exactly how you feel. A therapist would be beneficial if you don't already have one because the emotional issues that come with the behaviors are just as debilitating. When I first acknowledged my problem and reached out for help everything suddenly got worse. The emotional pain I was in was too much and I felt overwhelmed everyday. There is a lot of healing that needs to take place even after the behaviors are in check. The underlying issues are much deeper than worries about weight or body image. I had abandonment and abuse issues to confront once the ED was under control. You need a good therapist to guide you through the many levels of recovery you must go through. I got into a 12-step program and got a sponsor who helped me through the 12-steps. This was so healing and so helpful that I don't know if I could have done it without that support. My recovery became a spiritual journey through utilizing the 12-steps and today I am completely free of my ED. I eat when I am hungry and stop when I am full and trust my body to tell me what is best. I don't judge myself by the size of jeans I wear and body image is no longer a struggle. Therapy helped but honestly, I needed the 12-steps as an overall format for living my life to actually recover. So hang in there and know that it is totally normal for things to feel worse before they ever feel better and this is a process. You are addressing the behaviors which is a start and now you have to address the emotional wreckage with the support of a therapist or a 12-step sponsor, or both, so that you can finally be free from this disease. I know you are in a dark and scary place but it is temporary if you do the work to move past it. Keep us posted as you heal and take care.

Mollyyyannrose
reply to Hannerrr

Hi! Your post resonated with me because this sounds exactly like the past 1-2 years of my struggle with bulimia. After 12 years I finally realized I needed to stop and tried so very hard to help myself. I actually went from January to May of this year binge/purge free, but like you emotionally I felt the same, if not worse than I did before. I ended up relapsing pretty hard and spiraled out of control for the rest of the year. I had started to open up to a few select people, but like you felt trapped, stuck, alone, imprisoned, and desperate. In October, I finally hit a wall and I went to a therapist for the first time who strongly encouraged me to look into more intensive treatment options. I took her advice and went for an evaluation and will be starting a PHP program on Jan 2.

If you don't have one already, I strongly suggest meeting with a therapist who specializes in eating disorders, and ask them for help and recommendations in developing a treatment plan. I don't know your situation, but you might want to look into more intensive programs as well. NEDA I think has some search resources for both options.

Just know that you are not alone, and someone out there (me!) absolutely understands how you are feeling. Although I'm still struggling right now, I also feel so hopeful and ready to start working on changing my life. I really wish the same for you. Please don't give up :)

Jules_8945
Am I to blame?

Is it my fault if someone gets an eating disorder because I told them about mine? I had told my 11 year old cousins who has been through darker times than I have for such a young person but I only told her because I felt better talking to others about my problem. My mom confronted me about it saying what I was doing made me crazy and that it would only encourage my cousin to do the same as I. I don't understand though. My mother told my 9 year old sister about what I was doing, and according to her words, is she now going to be influenced by what she told her or no because it was her which told her and not me? Sometimes I don't understand her.

Jules_8945
Recovery Feels Worse

I've been recovering from bulimia for about 2 months now and it feels like it's been years. I'm trying really hard I am but every time I take a step forward it's only followed with taking a step back. Recently, I've been very scared of eating because I don't want it to end in a purge. I haven't been eating anything for the past 2 days. I'm trying to push myself to eat but just thinking about food terrifies me.

Jules_8945
Recovery Feels Worse

I've been recovering from bulimia for about 2 months now and it feels like it's been years. I'm trying really hard I am but every time I take a step forward it's only followed with taking a step back. Recently, I've been very scared of eating because I don't want it to end in a purge. I haven't been eating anything for the past 2 days. I'm trying to push myself to eat but just thinking about food terrifies me.

justgina
Hi Jules_894,

Hi Jules_894,

I just wanted to say that what you're feeling is absolutely normal. I remember feeling the same way in my recovery. It's filled with so many ups and downs...it's easy to feel like you're moving backwards more than forwards, but it's all part of the process. The tough thing about recovery is that even though we can logically know it's what we need, it's not going to feel good in the beginning, and we're never going to feel completely ready. It's like that quote that says, "be afraid, and do it anyway." That's exactly what's needed. It feels terrifying and impossible but the further you get, the more it makes sense, and you will look back and see how incredibly worth it the whole journey was--setbacks and all. You've got this, and we're here for you!

justgina

lovetowrite81
Jules_8945

Hi Jules-
Just wanted to check in and see how you're doing since you posted? I also want to validate that recovery is not linear- and often feels like we're moving backwards instead of forwards. Just wanted to encourage you to take things one day at a time. Know that we're here for you <3

karenc
If you

Eat healthy, you'll feel a lot better, and you won't need to purge. In fact don't purge. Just focus on having an healthy body.