National Eating Disorders Association

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Drafthorsegrl
Need help for possible relapse

Hi, this is my first time here. I've been in recovery for 7 years, I've been anorexic for over 20.
I just had to have some major oral surgery in November. I started off doing pretty well. Now I'm afraid my ED has taken over again. That is why I came on this site. I just went out and bought some boost. But I don't even feel like drinking that. I know I'm in trouble when I've barely had anything since Monday. I know a lot has to do with stress right now. I'm hoping typing this will help me get outta this funk.
Thank you for listening.
Drafthorsegrl

eghall
You are not alone!

Hi!

I commend you for coming on here to talk about what you are going through. You have worked so hard for 7 years - don't turn your back on that now! If you happen to read another conversation in this forum, you will see that someone else is struggling to not relapse, just like you. I mentioned to that person, Anon86, to take a look at these tips for when you may be tempted to relapse:

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/slips-lapses-and-relapses

The fact that your ED is slipping back in and that you are tempted by old behaviors is not unusual - it's actually a normal part of recovery. It's important to not feel like a failure or to feel like you aren't strong enough to fight your Ed. Think back to what has helped keep you strong for 7 amazing years! Have you thought about talking to someone?

Recovery can be a series of highs and lows - don't give up on yourself. Try not to let your eating disorder take away all the hard work and rewards of the last 7 years.

Drafthorsegrl
Thank you. The hardest part

Thank you. The hardest part is that I still can't chew anything. Soft food only. I actually had 2 boosts yesterday after I posted the above. I have gone back to writing things down when I actually eat now. The scariest part is that I feel like its a waste of time. Fighting that feeling every minute. I will look on the link that you posted. I wish you well with your recovery. My counseled that I use to go to left. She was who helped me the most. Now I just don't know where to go. It is hard to find someone that totally understands, and that you click with. I do know I'm not ready to give up. I am going to keep fighting, which is why I logged on.
Again, thank you for you feedback, and understanding.
Drafthorsegrl

LegacyofLove
Additional Help For Your Relapse

Hi Drafthorsegrl!

Eghall was absolutely right in his/her post to you. I also commend you for coming to this safe and supportive forum in an effort to maintain your recovery and fight the ED disorder rituals and triggers that are causing you to feel a potential relapse. I understand your fear that it's a waste of time, but YOU deserve an ED-free life. I can relate as well, as I too suffered with an ED with highs and lows during my recovery. However, during your successful 7 years of recovery, I'm sure you enjoyed a greater and more fulfilling life with the absence of the unhealthy habits associated with an ED. Let your success be your inspiration. I found the support of a counselor or professional experienced with ED's, has tremendously helped me in my recovery. I would encourage you to go to NEDA's link to help find a new counselor, since your counselor has left. You'll find helpful information for treatment referrals and support groups: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support
Also, in addition to connecting through this supportive forum, I would also recommend you contact NEDA's Helpline #1.800.931.2237 (M-F 9:00am - 5:00pm) to discuss your concerns further. They are compassionate, confidential, incredibly supportive and a great resource for any ED question or concern you may have.

Definitely keep fighting....YOU are worth it!! You are not alone...we are here for you and cheering you on!

Bree_zy11
chasing pavements

i always thought that the first of recovery would be the hardest. i can honestly say in my experience at least, that i am at the hardest point. i am about 4 months in, have not purged.. i have skipped meals .. but my therapist says it is really rare that someone who purged up to 4 times a day just stops. which i did.. i was deteremined to stop and was doing so well now i feel i am at a dead end street. where does my recovery get better from here. i am back peddaling and becoming obessive again. because i am gaining weight and it kills me. i hate it more than words can express. i long for a day free from thoughts about.. weight, food, how i look. what people are thinking when they look at me, who looks better than me. did i excersice enough ... blah blah blah.. i weighed myself today which i knew i shouldnt have done since its been 4 months. it destroyed me... today is the first day when i feel as though i have been fightin the urge to purge allllll day long.. i just have cried and cried.. cause its not what i want... so why do i want it!!!!

eghall
Recovery is Hills and Valleys

Hi Bree_zy11 -

I understand completely how hard recovery can be, even months in to it. Recovery is a serious of ups and downs. In fact, it's a very natural part of the recovery process. When you have bad days like this, it doesn't mean you aren't on the right track - just the opposite! Remind yourself that these feelings are in fact part of the process and you are still on the road to recovery.

The temptations of your eating disorder can be strong, but you are much stronger! I can feel how strong you are in what you say about the first 4 months of recovery! Your eating disorder is fighting to hang on because it knows you are winning the battle every day. Don't be afraid to lean a bit on your loved ones for support. Have you thought about talking to anyone who was part of your treatment team?

This link is very helpful for days like this: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/slips-lapses-and-relapses
And this one: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/20-ways-love-your-body

Try to remind yourself of all the wonderful things your body can do for you when it is taken care of properly. You are such a fighter and it's very inspirational! Keep up the fight, try to remember that these days are a normal part of recovery and treat yourself with the love and respect I know you deserve. Let us know how it's going!

Keep it up!

Yes, as others have said, you are not alone! Keep fighting! Our eating disorders don't want us to win, and they'll do anything they can to not have us win. I've posted my situation on here before, but my ED is taking a different attack tactic to try to get me to slip back in. I used to struggle with anorexia and now Ed is telling me to binge and then starve. I also understandthe feeling of feeling like you're wasting time posting about it and trying to get better. Ed loves totell me that I am over reacting, that I'm just wining and complaining, and that I'm wasting my time and the time of those around me. Don't let yourself forget that you're not alone! Ed likes to tel us that we're the only ones in the world who are going through this, that we're the exception to the norm. He uses us to make us feel both a false high and a horrible low. One day we will feel special, the next day we will feel completely worthless. Keep fighting. You are so beautiful and worth it!

eghall
So true!

Brooke,

Thanks for the wonderful message above! What you say about Ed is so true. He gives people false hope and a false sense of control. Thanks for coming on here and sharing your story!