National Eating Disorders Association

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Nadejda
My daughter has eating disorder

I do not know how to start'!? It is so hard! My daughter has anorexia, she is 11 year old. Everything just started, but it is progressing so fast. She lost a lot of weight, a lot. We are about to get into eating disorder program, in two weeks, and during this time I do not know what to do. Every single day is getting worse and worse. She is all about measuring, every single sip of water, every single bit of food, and she weights herself many times per day. I was thinking to get rid of the wight scale but do not know if this will help her or makes the situation worse. Can anyone please give me some advice and hope so that I can help my daughter.

surikaye
Nadejda

Nadejda,

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter's struggle with anorexia, and cannot imagine what kind of toll it is taking on you and your family. At the same time, I am very glad to hear that that she is about to get into treatment, and think that was a really great move on your part.

I appreciate the fact that you reached out for help now, and indeed, it does sound crucial that you stay on top of the situation until your daughter enters treatment in two weeks. Being that you are walking a tight rope, it is important to have guidance that is easily accessible to you on a ready basis so that you can feel safe and comfortable with your daughter's health while she is in your care.

I would recommend calling the neda helpline- 1800-931-2237 so that a trained volunteer can coach you along and connect you to medical or other professional help if needed.

My thoughts are with you at this time. Remember- one day at a time, one hour at a time, on foot in front of the other... stay strong! even when things seems so rough... there is help available for your daughter and for you, and hopefully there will be a much brighter future ahead of you both..

Good luck and best wishes for a complete recovery.

brookespre
She is so lucky to have a

She is so lucky to have a mother like you that cares so much! I am not a parent, but I am a daughter who has struggled with anorexia and has been in her situation before (only I had a mother who tried to hide me because she was embarassed rather than help). She has probably gotten a lot worse as of recently because she knows that when she goes into treatment, and she will be monitored and not able to continue this behavior. She is basically going into panic mode, but this seems to be a common thing from my experience and from what I've heard from others.

What can you expect during treatment? There will be tough times but you have to be tough, because that's what she needs. She needs you to be there to support her and for her to know you care about her health. As she gets better she will see how awesome of a mother you are and how much she appreciated your support. The most important thing is that she has to decide for herself to get better. This can take a very long time. Just keep in mind that you cannot decide for her, and she needs to come to the point where she wants to get better for herself. You can only support her and give her help at the beginning and love when times are rough.

It will suck and you will be frustrated and not understand. Remember she needs your love and things WILL get better. You sound like such a great mom and she is lucky to have support form you. Hang in there. Good luck to you and your daughter!

Piperpetunia
Hi so sorry to hear about

Hi so sorry to hear about your daughter. I'm brand new here too. My daughter is turning 15 and is anorexic . I can totally relate to how fast things are moving. It's so scary I wake up many nights with anxiety. She tried a day treatment program and we did learn some valuable info but it wasn't a good fit so now we re on another path. It's so difficult to watch your kid destroy themselves, without being able to fix it. It s up to them to get better with our help and support. Any one have advice for how to be most helpful?

hannahls
Piperpetunia

Piperpetunia,
While I am not a mother, I’m a daughter who has certainly put my own mother through all sorts of drama because of my issues – which I am not proud of, but I have forgiven myself for. My advice to you, albeit vague, it to try and strike a good balance between loving, caring mother and strict, powerful caretaker. Sometimes we need our moms to just be there as a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen, without providing medical/ED-related advice and simply being our moms, reminding us that they love us and are there for us. But sometimes (even if it annoys us in the moment), you have to be stern and make sure that your daughter is following her therapists’ and doctors’ advice – she will thank you later when she is in recovery and back to living a happy and healthy life. Please continue to be strong for your daughter, and I wish you and your family the best of luck. Keep posting on the forums if you feel the need to ask for support/advice or just to vent! Also, here’s a link to NEDA’s “Parent Toolkit,” full of information from professionals about how to help a family member through an ED: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/parent-toolkit

Stay strong,
Hannah

someoneneedsyou
this post was from a while

this post was from a while ago, so this might not apply - but YES! ABSOLUTELY THROW OUT THE SCALE. she'll be upset, but let her. she may find other sources to weigh herself anyways - but by you throwing it out you are saying "I love you too much to keep this here". She'll remember the love, not the anger.

_admin_moderator
To Sandysmith537

Sandysmith537,

Please remember that according to the NEDA Forum Guidelines, promoting products or services is not permitted on the forums and therefore your post was deleted. You can review the community guidelines here:https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/community-guidelines

Thanks,
NEDA Forum Moderators