National Eating Disorders Association

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iwanttolive
maintaing recovery

Sometimes I find it difficult to get proper nutrition in me. And I guess I ate a lot from one food group this weekend of the wedding and I am feeling insecure about my face. I see it as being very full and round, and I don't really like it. But I must remain steadfast in my recovery and not allow that to throw me. My parent's and Aunt are going on vacation that I was supposed to be going on, for a week. I am somewhat sad but I really am looking forward to house sitting, and driving again and being by myself for a week, with the dogs.

I just wish that I didn't place such an emphasis on my face. And on Tuesday I am going to see my therapist but I am going to take a seat and sit backwards as what I have to tell her is so difficult, and I don't know how she will handle me sitting is a different chair and then facing away from her for the initial part of the conversation. Have any of you ever done something like that and if yes, how did it go?

Well that's it. Prayers for all of us that we sleep well.
iwanttolive

iwanttolive
iwanttolive

Hi. Can someone provide me with feedback regarding my post on maintaining recovery. I see my therapist tomorrow. Thanks

lovetowrite81
Iwanttolive

Just want you to know you are so incredibly beautiful! Your worth is not in your appearance, shape, or size- but in your loving heart for God & others, your empathy, and resilience. God created you flawlessly. You are wonderful. I will be praying that you will not let these lies derail you from maintaining your recovery.

In terms of therapy, I have not done anything like that personally but know that my therapist talks all the time about people not facing him, laying down flat on a couch on the other side of the room, etc- whatever makes them the most comfortable. I feel like that should not a problem if it allows you the space to express yourself openly. Let us know how it goes <3

iwanttolive
Thank you.

Hi lovetowrite81. You are so kind. I know what you are saying is true and I spent too many decades of my life being so self absorbed. Don't want that no more!!! Thank you for responding to my post. Interesting how your therapist works. Is that what you do?

I am thankful for your support. iwanttolive

lovetowrite81
Iwanttolive

I totally understand that! How did therapy go today?
I don't personally face away because I have felt comfortable sharing pretty much everything- but then again I haven't undergone severe trauma that may be extremely difficult for others to get out.

iwanttolive
lovetowrite81

Hi. Therapy went okay. I gave very little eye contact. I did face the wall but she questioned me on why I was using avoidance. I said I will face you after. She didn't like it but allowed it. She said she believes I would have been able to face her and wants me to do that more in the future. She said some VERY scary words for me. Anything relating to male anatomy or even female, but mostly male. I usually freak out. But today I put my hand up in the air in complete fear of hearing certain words. She acknowledges that my past plays an important role in why it is so painful for me to hear these words. I don't know if I will ever heal in the area of my sexuality. Most people my age, fifty, would already be married, have a vocation and a family. I took a picture of her license plate as I saw her driving away after my appointment last week. I used to memorize another therapist's license plate. She will not be happy with me for that. I used to have two pictures of her, she is stunningly beautiful. But I gave them to her and now I can't find them on the internet anymore. I know it seems weird that I do this. She said I was violating privacy and it was not good. She belongs in the office. I need to remember what we talk about to help me feel secure. I also knew it was wrong. Like an idol.

So, I am filled with shame. From my past and what happened, even though I have no memory. Everyone I counselled with says U was abused, therefore my extreme fear of anything related to dating and relationships.

I don't know if I am making any sense, but I am very upset about all of this. Thank you for checking in.