National Eating Disorders Association

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Looking for Answers

I am a 32 year old woman and have lived with my fiance for about six years. Throughout this time I have noticed that his eating and drinking habits seem very abnormal to me. He eats and drinks as though these are nervous habits.

He does not enjoy food and beverages the way most adults do. In fact he reminds me a lot of how a teenage boy might eat, almost like he never grew out of that phase. He has had some events happen in his life before I met him that I think he never truly dealt with. These are serious enough events that they would probably have lasting effects on just about anyone. He has a habit of internalizing everything and clamming up when I try to talk to him.

I have tried talking to him about my concerns, but he completely dismisses it. I do not want to come off as nagging or trying to change who he is, but I'm honestly very worried about his mental and physical health. His behavior seriously presents like a nervous habit stemming from something mental but I'm not a professional that can say that with certainty. I'm honestly scared because I'm supposed to be marrying this man, but I'm not sure what kind or how long of a future we might have together as long as he continues down this path. I don't know where to go from here or how to approach the problem. Talking with him has gotten me nowhere. I can't even imagine suggesting he talk to a professional. For the longest time I thought maybe I was just being hypersensitive, but my family has noticed these same alarming things in him and mentioned it to me. I don't want to nag at him or approach him aggressively. Instead I want to be supportive and open to communicating and helping him in any way I can. The problem is, I don't know where to start or where to look for help or even if there really is a legitimate problem here.


Hello! Welcome to the forums and thank you for your post!! I hope that I can be of some help!!

Sorry to hear that your significant other is battling some ED related issues. I think it is amazing that you are so supportive and have actively searched for ways to help!

NEDA offers a couple of great resources that would really help you understand more about the situation and potentially help your significant other seek treatment.

First, here is a link to a NEDA Toolkit. It is a great resource that helps educate people such as yourself how to discuss these difficult issues with the person as well as how best to be supportive during this process.

Here are a couple of links to help provide some information regarding what eating disorders are, what treatment looks like, and what recovery means!

If at any time it is decided that your significant other would like to seek counseling, the NEDA Helpline can help you discover therapists and doctors in your area that will give proper treatment and consideration for patients with ED's! All you would need to do is call 1-800-931-2237 and a representative would be there to help!

Lastly, I think that the NEDA Navigator program would be a great resource for you to access. The Navigator program is designed to connect you with a volunteer who has experience in recovery. He/she can help give support and advice regarding how to address questions or discussions that arise, how best to approach subjects, and how best to give support! Plus this form of advice is completely free and confidential! If you'd like to learn more, here is a great link!

I hope this gives you a great start!! Please let me know if I can help in any other way or if you have any questions!!