National Eating Disorders Association

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Living with bulimia, anorexia


I don't usually write in forums but I'm feeling desperate at the moment.
My fiancée has bulimia and anorexia for 8 years. She had a traumatic experience in the past which caused the diseases. I'm with her for 2 years and she is actually the love of my life. We had a strong connection right from the start and I am the only person she told everything about her thoughts and her illness. For the first year she was really happy and she got better and better every day. We decided that we are ready to have a baby and she was feeling confident to take this step. We both made the decision, considering the risks and we both were confident and optimistic to have a child. She got pregnant very fast and I started to see some changes in her after the first gynecological visit. She looked worried and talked less with me, I started to catch her lying to me for ordinary things and after a while I learned that she has started throwing up again regularly. She completely stopped talking to me, she starts screaming at me every time I try to speak with her and now she wants to abort the child ( currently in 10th week ). She lost weight but she thinks the opposite. I also think that at this point abortion is necessary.
Everything happened really fast and we lost all the progress we made for 2 years. Now she does not even looks at me, doesn't talk to me and I'm lost. Don't know how to deal with it anymore. Making her go visit a doctor is out of the question, I wont be able to make her do anything. I want to know if there is something I can do to help her and maybe advice for how to deal with this myself because I'm a wreck. Everything I hoped and dreamed of disappeared, I still love her, I just don't know what to do.

Hi Peorson123,

Hi Peorson123,

I can hear the pain in your post, I am so sorry about your situation; it sounds incredibly difficult. You girlfriend is very lucky to have you and it is clear that you love her deeply and want to help her.

I am not a professional so I honestly can’t really offer any insight on how to approach the situation but I would say that even if you cannot get her to talk to a professional it would probably beneficial for you to speak with a therapist if possible. Supporting a person struggling with ED can be stressful and often heartbreaking.

If you need someone to speak with, to help you locate resources NEDA has a great helpline. (Monday-Thursday from 9:00 am - 9:00 pm and Friday from 9:00 am - 5:00 pm)

Take care of yourself.