National Eating Disorders Association

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iwanttolive
Ladybug0805

Hi. It is me again checking in to see how you doing. If I am being annoying let me know. I am doing well. I pray peace over you as you sleep. I pray for you daily. I pray for discernment and that you are able to make decisions about your health and treatment. Take care for now. iwanttolive

Ladybug0805
iwanttolive

You are not being annoying at all. I'm sorry I haven't been able to write much or connect on here. Things have been a real struggle lately. Health I would say is getting worse at the moment. I have some decisions to make and hope to have a plan in place by the time I go to therapy on Friday. Hope you are doing well. Talk soon I hope.

iwanttolive
Ladybug0805

Hi. I am glad I am not annoying you. Today I was filmed again and spoke of some very difficult things. My reason for speaking out is a that I want people to know there is Hope and recovery is possible. I will pray about the health issues. Don't worry about getting back to me. You have a lot going on. Just want you to know that you are not alone

Ladybug0805
iwanttolive

I am glad that you check on me. Today, I needed to hear more than ever that I am not alone! Your messages help me through some really dark days. Tonight....I needed to know someone cared! I am so proud of you for filming and speaking out. It's wonderful of you to do that even though it's hard.

iwanttolive
Ladybug0805

Hi again. I want you to know that you are not alone. God loves you and knows about everything you are going through. I care and I know others on the forum care as well. Do not worry about responding to my posts. You have a lot going on right now. So, I wish you a good night's rest.

iwanttolive
Ladybug0805

Hi. It is me. Just wanted to wish you a restful night. iwanttolive

Ladybug0805
iwanttolive

Thank you. I hope you have a restful night as well. My nights lately are far from restful. Life is kinda falling apart. My doctor did give me some medicine today to try and keep my food in long enough for my body to absorb some nutrients.

iwanttolive
Ladybug0805

Hi, thanks for filling me in. I really appreciate it. I am glad you have something that will help keep nutrition in your body.

Today has been good until over an hour ago when my sister became very abusive to me. But I will keep my trust in God and I will be okay.

I will continue to pray for your sleep, it is so important to sleep. Take care,

Ladybug0805
iwanttolive

I am sorry that it took me a bit to see this. I am so sorry that your sister turned abusive on you! I hope that you were able to process this with your therapist. How are things going now? Any changes? You will be in my thoughts!

rach898
iwanttolive

Hi iwanttolive! Have you ever considered calling the Domestic Abuse Helpline? Their number is 1-800-799-7233. I know domestic abuse isn't usually thought to be between siblings, but it sounds like your sister may be hurting you and that's super scary. Speaking to the helpline may be beneficial for you. I hope things between you and your sister get better soon. I wish you the best of luck and please stay safe!

iwanttolive
Rach898

Thank you for the information. She is emotionally abusive not physically. She has serious issues and a victim herself. So calling the hot line would not work. My folks live three houses away so they are involved. I am on my way to my therapist now. It is just sp sad. Thank you again.

iwanttolive
Ladybug0805

Hi. Things are okay as long as I don't do anything to upset my sisrer. I can't change her but my therapist says I need to protect myself and then I will be in a better position to help her. There is no negotiating or discussing things because I am always wrong. Grew up that way. I want to love her and help her. I have to trust God in all of this. Thank you for your concern.

chunkymonkey68
Have the parents considered a Group Home for her?

It sounds like you are having to try so hard to deal w/ her energy and psych issues and this is straining your fragile health too. What is her problem and why haven't the parents tried to find a placement for her or a caretaker and use her disability to reimburse the person who takes care of her?

I have responsibilities here at home too and it is because the law released a relative home to my elderly parent w/o even warning and then we were stuck with him after dad passed away and out of mercy for him we allow him to pay rent.

I run the house as long as he stays busy at a treatment program and doesnt bring people home when I am home who I wouldn't feel safe around. But I end doing almost everything around here as long as he pays the rent, but it doesnt go to me, goes to landlord...In this family I'm just like a property manager/live in house keeper.

iwanttolive
Chunkymonkey68

Hi Thank you for your response. If my sister would qualify for a home care provider, she would never do it. She prefers to stay in her room 99% of the time in her bed, all shades drawn and has no one else to be mean to but me. She is a victim and people who are victims live with a victim mentality. So she just came out of her "cave" and wanted to rehash something that happened a week ago. I told her we forgave each other, I accepted the blame that I was wrong and that we were also both wrong in how we handled the situation. We acted like two little brats. So when she wanted to rehash it today I said we already dealt with the situation and I do not wish to talk about it again. So she tried and she gets mad at me when I say I will not talk about this anymore. It infuriates her. I gave her my time, muted the tv and gave her my full attention. She then went on to say that a main reason she never comes out of her room is because of me. I am like WHAT??? That makes no sense at all. She lives in a fantasy world and is suspicious and has nothing to do all day but dream up ways to feel victimized.

So, I surrender this again, and will ask God to help me with this situation. She clearly has medical issues but like I was with my eating disorder, it is her identity. I no longer claim an eating disorder as my identity. I am learning about who I am without the eating disorder. So no, she will not receive help. My parents do their best and I get the brunt. As long as I don't own it it should not hurt me. I am a sensitive person so I do take things personally but will not take this on.

I am happy you are back teaching. Sounds good.

chunkymonkey68
Dear i Want to Live, it is good that you have a boundaries

and this helps you to not feel as threatened or emotionally abused as one might have w/o this defense mechanism. It sounds like she is certifiable but the parents are treating her equally in the family by allowing her to share the property with you.

If you are feeling extra burdened perhaps the parents could look into what disability or MediCare would do in assisting the family with home care. It sounds like she needs a psych evaluation, if not already been evaluated by a professional MD. Then they could add medical provisions to her treatment plan such as daily meds for emotional instability, and therapy where she would be required to be treated weather she liked it or not...

I know it must be tough for you to feel like you are stuck there with her and powerless except for your ability to put up a wall against her hurtfulness and ability to manipulate and try and cause you to be more upset than necessary while she is residing there with you.

Perhaps some day when the parents are long gone a conservator will be named for her and will relieve you of her unpleasantness in your daily life.

Good luck in recovery from ED and take care of yourself and gain support on your ED if not already done so and even try some community support groups around where you live. Usually if you do a computer net search you just might be surprised with what support you find locally, and its even free at times too.

iwanttolive
Thank you

Thanks. I am doing okay. My sister will remain unless she decides to move which she probably won't. So I will keep loving her the best way I can and in the way she needs. I am doing very well in my recovery and am eight months behavior free. NEVER thought that would happen. But recovery is possible :)))))))))