National Eating Disorders Association

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iwanttolive
Just looking

<p>Hi.&nbsp; I am just looking for some support.&nbsp; I struggle with major depressive disorder which at times isn't active.&nbsp; I also struggle with dysthymia, which is a constant low grade depression that never goes away.&nbsp; Right now I am in a major depressive episode, where I don't care, I don't want to work, I want to stay in bed, but staying in bed hurts my body.&nbsp; My parents are going on a vacation, one which I was supposed to be going on but I can't because of work.&nbsp; I will stay alone at my parents house which will be a wonderful break for me from living at my house.&nbsp; It just seems sad to me that I lost ground.&nbsp; I fell.&nbsp; I know, get back up, brush myself off and keep going.&nbsp; I am working on that.&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>I have an issue of dependency on my therapists.&nbsp; I saw my therapist get into her car, and the next week I took a picure of her lisence plate.&nbsp; But I erased it.&nbsp; I have her e-mail address but am not allowed to e-mail her, so yesterday I started but stopped and didn't send it.&nbsp; At one time I had her picture and I looked for over an hour to try to find her picture again but was unable to do so.&nbsp; I told her I had her picture and I gave it to her.&nbsp; I don't know why I get so needy for my therapist.&nbsp; I am talking about things that pertain to my PTSD.&nbsp; It is not easy.&nbsp; I hate her but I like her at the same time.&nbsp; I want to scream at her that I hate her.&nbsp; I hate her for making me use words of anatomy, and she does, and I scream, or make noises and flale my arms.&nbsp; The other day I had to face the wall to tell her something.&nbsp; She told me she believed that that was avoident behavior and she believed I could have told her facing her.&nbsp; I did not have hardly any eye contact that entire session. &nbsp; She believes in me more than I believe in mysefl, perhaps that is why I feel like I hate her.&nbsp; I don't know.</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>Anyways, just looking for some support as I am entering my third month or so of really struggling emotionally.&nbsp; Thanks</p>

chunkymonkey68
Good luck on your Recovery and Maintenance from ED

It sounds like you are dealing with some Interpersonal Communication Issues too. They offer college classes on this issue at many community colleges in the local Jr Colleges. Who knows you may become a speech communication major some day even after recovery. Practice talking w/ a friend as if you were in a therapy session and perhaps you may work on this issue which seems to be a struggle for you currently.

iwanttolive
no

Hi, I am glad you had a good day yesterday. I do not believe I have issues with communication. Just some things in therapy are difficult to talk about facing her and having eye contact. This is not a general issues for me. The issues are painful and so difficult to talk about, once I said what I needed to say, I faced her for the rest of the session. Then we continued. But thank you for your response. It was thoughtful of you.

Good for all the work you did today, or this weekend. Take care.

London1621
Hugs

Hi, I'm sending you Hugs to help you. I hope you will be ok soon.