National Eating Disorders Association

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mtgirl
Im new and need help...

Im new to this site and just looking for people to talk to. Im terrified. I guess Ive been living in denial for the last 10 years that I even have had a problem. Im a mom, wife, kindergarten teacher. I put on a brave face everyday but I am dying inside. figuratively and literally. Lately my life has been taken over by the fact that Im wasting away and I have no control over it. I feel completely alone. does anyone else feel the same way???

Nero87
I feel the same...

I feel exactly the same way. I'm new here as well. I'm completely lost at the moment, so I'm sorry if I can't give you a whole lot of advice, but know that there are others out there. I'm here and I'm sure many on here are in the same boat. Anything you would like to discuss in particular? I'll listen...

mtgirl
same boat :)

I just replied to you. :) I don't even know where to begin. Not even sure why I decided to try and get help. My husband kind of figured me out I think. I guess its kind of obvious that im a bit underweight too. It definitely controls my life though. Tonight we went out to eat and ever since all I could think of is the amount of calories and how I can burn them. Its not right. I didn't throw up, which was really hard for me to do. It has totally taken over. How are you coping?

Nero87
I do have one question though

Have you talked to your husband or a friend about how you feel? Sometimes when I get really upset about how much I've eaten I talk to my boyfriend. It usually ends up with him telling me something that he thinks might reassure me, but being able to say it out loud--acknowledging it, helps me. Also, if you write it down... I suppose I did come up with a couple of ways. Hmm.. I hope maybe either of those will help. I apologize I didn't come up with anything else.

mtgirl
I recently started talking to

I recently started talking to my husband and that's how I ended up here. to tell you the truth I think it was my love of smut magazines (us weekly, star, etc) that made me realize I have an issue. there was an article with pics of actresses that were "scary skinny" and their characteristics. I had every single one. I burst into tears. I hadn't realized it. I didn't want my daughter to grow up thinking it healthy to look this way.
I do like the idea of writing it down though. thanks~ I will try that. thanks so much for the advice . I want to help you any way I can. let me know!

Nero87
It's weird for me because I

It's weird for me because I was figured out at school. I'm working on my doctorate in psychology, so it feels completely inappropriate for me to be in this position. My boyfriend isn't sure what to do either, which is why I began to see a therapist. That was the best decision. I still struggle with it a lot, but this is the beginning. I just know that right now I need to do something. I haven't figured out a way to cope with that guilty feeling after I eat yet. I just want to curl up into a ball and cry. I get a weird feeling of regression. I'm sorry of this is a strange message, I just don't know what else to say.At the moment I want to lose more weight because I'm more comfortable that way. I just haven't really figured out a way to cope. I wish I could say I have. What about you?

mtgirl
I feel like we have a lot in

I feel like we have a lot in common. I felt like I was the only person to feel like this. I am a national board certified teacher with a masters degree. Why cant I just get a grip on something that should be so basic??? My husband has a psychology degree and originally wanted to go into counseling (he is now also a teacher). He is the one that has encouraged me to make an appt with a therapist. I feel the same though- I get comments daily on how skinny I am. and I know I am too skinny. yet I am absolutely terrified of gaining an ounce. I am hesitant to even seek treatment because I don't want to gain weight. So are you currently seeing a therapist?

Nero87
I know what you mean when you

I know what you mean when you speak of the magazines, except I see actresses in movies and think they are pretty. I started looking them up online and comparing myself. I began to look up their measurements (weight vs. height, etc.) in order to see if I was similar or smaller. The sad part about it is that I was believing the Internet.

I am currently seeing a therapist and it is helpful. I never thought it would be, but it is. I strongly recommend it to anyone. Even on the days when I feel like there is no help left I still go. This is hard. Last night I didn't weigh myself (mostly out of fear and the fact that I do t currently have access to a scale), but right now I know I'm at an unsafe weight, because I ate too much yesterday. This is all I can think about. I could t sleep and had a dream about it. Today I am going to have to restrict, which is why a therapist comes into play. Even though I am trying to get better there is only so much I can be comfortable doing in the very beginning. If I go too far out of my comfort zone too early on I could get myself into trouble. I know this about me, but that doesn't make it the case for everyone. We all have to go at our own pace.

mtgirl
I don't totally understand

I don't totally understand where you are coming from. I cant even describe how comforting it is to hear that someone else shares my struggles (even though I feel awful for you at the same time.) That's good to hear you benefit from the therapist. I also have a scale but rarely use it. I don't want to see that Ive gained any weight, even though I tell myself and others Im working hard to gain. Im already dreading summer time because I will be forced to eat more since I will be around family. During the school year I am able to go entire days without consuming hardly any food. I am anxious just thinking about having to eat actual meals.
will a therapist put pressure on me to gain weight?

Nero87
The therapist will listen to

The therapist will listen to you and should never pressure you to do anything. If the therapist pressures you that means you should switch to a different one. The only thing he/she may say is that you are underweight. This is only for medical reasons. Together the two of you should work on a plan, not necessarily to gain weight, but to gain your life back. The Ed is not about weight for most, but about control. We need to gain control of our lives and love ourselves. This is what the therapist should be working with us on. The focus should not be on weight and gaining.