National Eating Disorders Association

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pbwhite
I'm a mess

I feel like I have no where else to turn tonight. I've been so depressed and struggling with ED. I have been honest with my team about my feelings and thoughts on everything No, I do not want to hurt myself. I just want to feel like a good person again. I want to be able to see joy in this world again. I want to believe that I can still kick ED's stupid lying butt up and down the street.
My husband is amazing and standing by my side through everything. I feel like I am bringing everyone around me down. Recently I saw my Psychiatric progress notes from my team, they left them visible in my post appointment summary. The progress notes are not supposed to be visible. I feel hurt and disconnected from this. I know they're only nice to me because they have to be but this really doesn't help my insecurities. I feel lost and alone in this struggle overall. I guess I'm just hoping someone is out there who reads this and can understand.

kelsey207
Hi pbwhite,

I'm sorry you were struggling so much last night. You've definitely come to the right place; many people on here can relate to what you're going through. We're always here to provide a listening ear or a sympathetic place to "vent"! I hope things are looking a little better now that some time has passed. It really stinks to have those moments when everything seems to be piling up and it's hard (or almost impossible) to see the "light at the end of the tunnel." Remember that recovery is possible!! It sounds like you're taking so many positive steps toward recovery (e.g., being honest with your treatment team) and that is so great to hear--thank you for being a positive example here in the forums. It is definitely possible to kick your ED's butt! Please don't give up hope. In case you need some more motivation, here are some links that might be helpful:
https://www.instagram.com/proud2bmeus/
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/stories-of-hope/featured-stories...
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/blog/5-ways-self-care-during-dif...

I hope today is a better day! Please keep us updated on how things are going. <3

lovetowrite81
Pbwhite

Hi Pbwhite,

Thank you for posting. I'm so sorry you have been struggling recently. ED is such a terrible illness in the way it wants to steal away all sense of joy in our lives- I totally know where you are coming from. Mainly I just wanted you to know that you are not alone & there are many of us here who understand and want to support you. I am glad you have the support of your husband and treatment team. They are there to help you- I know it's much easier said than done, but try not to feel like you are 'bringing them down'. They are in your corner no matter what and want to see you thriving. I'm sorry you had to see the progress notes, that is unfortunate. Your feeling hurt is valid. Know that their intentions are good in wanting to see you recover.

Know that we care about you here- and you can always turn to the community you have on the forums. You are NEVER alone. Please keep us posted. I will be thinking about you <3

-Lovetowrite81