National Eating Disorders Association

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1Bluerose68
I Totally lost my Self Control Today

I had the weekend off from work and for some reason felt so empty on the inside. my stomach was causing me to cramp up and i just felt so out of control, which is the complete Opposite of my Normal self. I found myself eating unhealthy foods outside of my usual meal times. I wasn't able to go to the gym as I usually do and therefore by the last meal I was just in panik. I think i suffer from EDNOS as I don't fit any 1 Ed category. I am so afraid that by tomorrow none of my work clothes are gonna even fit me, and i have already began purging. I feel so out of control and powerless over these NEW Full Fledged food Cravings. What should i do now? By the way i cant afford to gain any weight as its NOT an OPTION. I have these mixed values and am under a lot of pressure?????

PianoGirl
I don't want to be pushy, but

I don't want to be pushy, but it sounds like the voice of your ED is pretty loud right now. I know that can be really upsetting.

Let me give you NEDA's helpline number. They will support you and help you get more information and local resources. Their number is 1-800-931-2237. It sounds like you could use someone to talk to.

Something you mentioned in your post stood out to me - you felt empty on the inside, and you were cramping. I don't know anything specific about you, but is it possible that you were restricting your food intake prior? It's really hard for our bodies to be deprived of the regular nutrition we need in order to maintain our energy, and it can lead to that out of control, desperate feeling you described. Again, I don't know you personally, so that might not apply to you - just a thought.

Importantly, I hope you can make room to be gentle and compassionate with yourself. I know it's really scary right now, but hang in there. Give it some time, and keep reaching out. Please keep us updated!

1Bluerose68
2AM Full Fledged Binge Run

2AM and i got into my car and drove out to buy food from a place i would favor during my college days while suffering from Bulimia. I ordered food and binged in my car . Then i paniked and ran into a store and purged before passing out. This wolf like feeling of out of control eating is really scarring me currently. I cant get a grip, an going out in my car at odd hours of night on food runs and binging after in my car, and now resorting to my former college bulimic behavior , and I'm a woman in her 40's too. I have a nice career as a teacher during the day but I fear I will not awaken in my car some early morning after going out on a food frenzy run. I have no idea why now Im acting out like this when my career is going so well. Is it self sabotage????

Melissaah
I'm so sorry you are

I'm so sorry you are struggling like you are I'm not in the best place either. I just wanted to say I can relate to your post. I did a lot of that when I lived with my parents.

kelsey207
Hi 1Bluerose68,

I'm sorry to hear that things have been so taxing lately. I can tell from your post that you find these behaviors and thoughts to be distressing, and I'm sorry that your ED is causing so much pain in your life right now. Like PianoGirl said, it sounds like the "voice" of your ED is speaking really loudly, and I hope that you're able to call the NEDA Helpline or use the NEDA Click-to-Chat service to find someone to talk to about what you're going through (https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/information-referral-helpline ). If you aren't seeing a therapist, psychologist, or another kind of professional, the people at the Helpline can help you find professionals near you who can help. I think you might really benefit from being able to talk about your experiences with someone who has the training to help you feel better.

You said that bingeing/purging and feeling out-of-control is really scary. What you're describing does sound frightening, and I wish you didn't have to go through that. Talking to someone and working with a professional can be really helpful, and you might learn how to better manage or prevent these episodes and times of losing control.

Please know that EDs don't discriminate. They affect people of all ages. It's not a poor reflection on you in any way to be suffering from an eating disorder. Disordered eating behaviors and thoughts are not a sign of weakness or immaturity; you are a strong, capable, successful person in spite of your ED.

I hope you're able to find some support and resources through NEDA. Please keep posting here on the forums. We want to hear from you, and we all want the best for you. Recovery is possible!!

1Bluerose68
After last night's damaging 2AM Binge

Today my stomach my entire upper belly region is like so swollen with water or something. I've been drinking water all day in this heat and after my Binge/Purge. But by the evening tonight I just feel so grossed out. Its difficult to get out in the evening after work all day om the heat to exercise and I really need to so I feel even more flustered and powerless over my body image.

als2908
I’m really sorry to hear that

I’m really sorry to hear that you are struggling. Please be kind to yourself in this moment - even if you are not ok - and know that even if today wasn’t your best day, there is tomorrow, a chance to wake up refreshed with renewed hope. As previous posters mentioned, I encourage you to reach out for professional help to learn about healthier coping mechanisms from when you feel this way. The NEDA Helpline can point you in the right direction.

Brody803
I too am a woman in my 40s

I too am a woman in my 40s with a career and family........... and am suffering from bulimia.......... do you also have a family at home? just wondered if you were sneaking out at odd hours so you dont get caught?or are your thoughts that strong in the middle of the night?

1Bluerose68
Friday Night Anti-Drive/Binge/Purge Plan

Work made me feel powerless today, as did my medication routine which I keep forgetting to engage in a timely fashion . My body's all amuck and I just want Total control during this time of feeling my body Control Me. so my current plan now is empowering me to prevent any additional physical or mental damage tonight. Here's how I plan to do it:

Tonight I have on my grey chains. I took some medication to help me sleep and I plan to slle all the way through the night w/o going on a 2AM Binge run to Wal-Mart for numerous junk food items. I feel somewhat sedated now and i hope the feeling only gets stronger.

I will be in Total Control of this crazy Jekyll/Hyde problem, I will stay in bed and sleep off my Binge Craving to run out to the car and go driving round for my Oral Fixations.

Wish me LUCK, I think it may help. I have been constipated though so i feel extra discouraged until i get my BMz under control and regular again.

PS, I began on the right foot earlier after work by eating a healthy meal. Not too bad for a start.

My body image is very poor right now. All i can do is sleep until tomorrow and then I shall shop during day for healthy foods and exercise. Thank God the weather has cooled down too. Thatz my plan Stan.....

_admin_moderator
Sounds like you're really struggling.

I had to make a few edits to your post, as it could have been triggering for other people. It sounds like you're having a really hard time right now. As other posters have recommended, I would urge you to consider calling the helpline. 1-800-931-2237

1Bluerose68
Gee, i think i have improved tremendously and.....

More than i can say for my former posts which i had written during the most uncomfortable heat wave of the year and understanding myself in retrospect, i think my body was also craving some fresh cool air since all day long there was None of that. I hope my insight doesn't trigger anyone but yet inspire more Brave Souls to share your candid episodes and how you deal with these as well. I think sharing always helps me to Lighten up in Most Situations. How triggering may that be. My Bad???Really, I think i am quite experienced at tickling my toes over eggshells as i walk, and never intend in my post to trigger anyone. I feel censored in having something so trivial taken out of my post. I think it sounds like u just hate Japanese people too!

brookespre
If you would read the posting

If you would read the posting guidelines for these forums, you would see that you are not supposed to mention any specific food items, because specific foods might be triggers to others. This is not a way of "censoring" you, it is merely trying to prevent the off-chance that someone is triggered by the mention of a specific food. It may seem totally harmless to you, but you never know that there might just be one person out there who is triggered. For you to then say that they just "hate Japanese people too" is completely unnecessary and outrageous when the moderator is only trying to prevent any triggers.

1Bluerose68
Thank Goodness for Cooler weather and my appetite has cooled do.

I was eating too weirdly during the heat wave. Since it cooled down my eating habits have improved. I eat when its a mealtime and no need to have to go out into the cool 2Am ish air to seek food because it was too hot during the day to eat anything which lead to super food cravings later on. I am better now. My job is keeping me very focused in prepping microscopic lesson plans. This too is helping me not to think of eating too much food. Whicjh i am also embarrassed to eat at work in front of co workers so i don't. But I also fell like I must have PMS currently.

1Bluerose68
Just Lock and Loaded and plan to snooze.

I am planning to get some sleep and not awaken to night binge on any of the food i just went shopping for today for the week, intended for regular meals. So I'm gonna have a deep sleep and wake up rested and tomorrow i'm even gonna change my hair color to help motivate me to change and improve my New Self Image. Wish me luck----- I will control this inner Demon he will NOT control me..........My mantra.......

1Bluerose68
Ughhhhh

This morning after i had breakfast and about an hour laterI feel totally miserable and very powerless over this acute problem this morning. I had a meal at lunch because i do become lightheaded if i skip meals but now the bloating is even worse. I feel so miserable and have even more will power now to stick to my diet and get a grip on this problem that i seem to currently be powerless over. I'm so miserably uncomfortable.

torib23
I'm so sorry to hear that you

I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling. I know how hard the road to recovery is, but I applaud you for coming on here to let out your emotions rather than engage in behaviors. I highly encourage you to continue to do so, because there are so many people here who are rooting for you. To echo what others have said, I would definitely suggest seeking professional help; with trained experts by your side, recovery is so much easier. Call the NEDA Helpline when you get a chance, and please keep us updated.

Stay strong!
Tori