National Eating Disorders Association

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Seraphim7
I 'm scared I might be developing an eating disorder.

Im an 18yr old male and I've been dealing with weight problems since I was 13. Im about to turn 19 in a month and Im scared Im on the path to developing an eating disorder. Food and weight is all I can think about 24/7. I recently lost some weight and people compliment me on how much weight I've lost but when I look at old pictures and compare them to myself now, I dont see a difference. I've started to only eat dinner for about two weeks now and Im exercising a lot more. When I dont eat all I think about is eating and when I do eat all i feel is immense, overbearing guilt. Im not at an unhealthy weight, my BMI is on the line between "overweight" and "healthy weight" ( I started with my BMI in the "obese" category) but Im scared it wont be long until I start losing too much weight too quickly. I've also been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety and I've attempted suicide once about three years ago. Im also home schooled (my suicide attempt was related to public school) and my father passed away about a year ago from pancreatic cancer (when he got sick was around the time I started focusing a lot on my weight and body). I also identify as bisexual, which I feel contributes to my depression.

_admin_moderator
Hello and welcome to the

Hello and welcome to the forums Seraphim7.Your post has been edited to adhere to the community guidelines which can be found here: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/community-guidelinesUsers are discouraged from sharing things such as their weight and how much weight they've gained and lost. This is to prevent more sensitive users from being triggered. If some of your more extreme thoughts, those that pertain to your depression, become more persistent than please conisder checking calling or checking out: 1-800-273-8255 or http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ Thank you and please continue posting

BobJ48
Seraphim

Hey S,

Yes, I can certainly see where you might be concerned ! While it's bad form to try and diagnose people from a distance, I can tell you for a fact that some of the things you are noticing are just what people with formally diagnosed eating disorders experience.

What stood out to me the most in you post was this part : " Food and weight is all I can think about 24/7 ".

I spend a lot of time on boards for people who have EDs, and when push comes to shove, this is one of the symptoms they universally hate the most. In the past there was room in their brains for all sorts of different things, school, hobbies, books to read, rewarding relationships ; all the sorts of things that make for a rich life. But then ED comes along and seems to hijack every bit of room inside their heads. Many of these folks see being really thin and anorexic a positive goal for themselves, but when they finally begin thinking that it might be better if they recovered, the "no room in my head for anything else " thing is often what you'll hear them mention as the thing that's turned their thinking around.

Depression and anxiety are often aspects of EDs as well. I'm not sure if one causes the other or what, but they often accompany each other.

Whatever the case, it's probably good that you are concerned about these things, because as you said, stuff like this really can begin to spin out of a persons' rational control, and then they really can be in trouble.

I'm not sure what sort of access you have to counseling, but it's something you might want to consider before things progress too much further. It sounds like you have an idea that you might indeed be heading in a worrisome direction, and as the keepers of our mental health, I think we have a reasonable duty to ourselves to take action, and to look after ourselves, and to do what we can to keep ourselves safe.