National Eating Disorders Association

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I hate that this controls me

I'm 22 years old, I've been struggling for a few years now with throwing up and bad yo yo diets to just plain not wanting to ever eat. I've depended on it for so long to keep my weight under control, or for when I get depressed a means of releasing my stress. but its gotten worse over the years now instead of just being me choosing to throw it up my brain and my body make me feel all kinds of nasty pressure everywhere until it ALL comes up out of my system.. but what I dont understand is how I want to eat this stuff and then instead of being able to throw it out when I'm full I eat it all and just figure I'll throw it all up and not have to worry about the food. and I've tried to stop, but thats when I feel the incredible urge for it to all come back up before I can feel better. and my mom is a fittness trainer but both me AND my sister struggle with this problem, I've been told all the right answers and know the proper ways to exercise but I can't seem to control my issue of this. even during my pregnancys, and right now I'm currently 10 weeks pregnant, because of the cravings I feel the need to eat but all I can think about is how fat I'm going to get or how gross I feel and it starts all over again. I want to be healthy I'm tired of being under the control of this but I dont know how to make it stop... I need help.

You can do this

knshazel -

Your pain is so evident and I'm so glad you admitted you need help. Does your mom know what is going on with you and your sister? Does your sister want to get help as well? How does being pregnant affect your wanting to get help?

It is very exhausting when our eating disorders are in complete control. I remember very clearly the feelings of feeling gross and of feeling under the control of my eating disorder. However, I believe you can live in a world free of this! Recovery is so very possible, and if you read some of the other posts in the Maintaining Recovery forum, you can see that people coming out of treatment are feeling free and excited about their futures.

A good place to start is here: You can search for doctors and therapists to get some help. The first step is hard, I know. But it is so worth it. That I know as well :).

Another resource is here: You can find information to pass along to your mother and friends so they can best help you. Maybe talking with loved ones will help you and your sister.

You are worthy of a full, ed-free life.

i cant take it

Im 32 and i don't think i can tolerate this disease either. i ate all day and night like an animal! I threw up after every meal i have no control im HYSTERICAL I CANT STOP can someone please tell wrme or give some advice . I am NEVER EATING AGAIN IM IN PAIN ,FEEL

FAT,AND I CANT TAKE this :~( i have no one to talk to. my family doesnt get it so naturally they judge me

I am suffering right now from

I am suffering right now from an eating disorder but I'm on my way. I am here to help you.If you want someone to talk to I'm here. Or if you want some to relate to, here I am. One thing you should remember is to not push your family away. Also, becasue you think you are fat doesn't mean other people think you are :)

Don't give up

Dear helpless0215 -

I'm sorry to hear that your family doesn't understand what you are going through. That being said, I'm really glad you came here to talk - we on these forums do understand! Do you live on your own or with your parents?

Not sure if you saw the website suggestion above, but a great place to start is here: You can find a therapist to talk to and an understanding support network.

When you are feeling so frustrated and in pain, you might want to read these: These are personal accounts of people who felt the same way you do now, but have found their way to recovery.

YOU CAN DO THIS. Also, I know the NEDA Helpline is very helpful if you need to talk about how you feel or if you want NEDA to pull treatment referrals for you. Call 800-931-2237 M-F 9am-5pm EST. Completely confidential as well.

Don't give up hope on a life of recovery! Even if it's impossible to imagine right now, recovery is very possible!

NEDA is here to support you during the evolving COVID-19 outbreak. The health of our community, especially those who are most vulnerable to the virus' serious complications, remains paramount. To access resources that can provide free and low-cost support, please click here.