National Eating Disorders Association

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Melissaah
I don't know what to do anymore

I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I want to get better but I continue to follow through with the ed thoughts in my head. Now I wonder if I really want to get better or not. Is this normal in the beginning of trying to get better without being in a treatment facility? The ed thoughts are so much more louder than my healthy thoughts. If I can't do the healthy thoughts because the ed thoughts are so much louder, how am I supposed to ever get better?

torib23
Melissaah,

I know how hard recovery can seem when you're in the middle of a battle against ED. It's hard to get rid of the thoughts, but just because they're still there doesn't mean that you don't want them gone. I believe that wanting to recover is the first step, and I truly think that you do. ED is never something you should have to fight alone, and I really think that professional help would help you so much in terms of fighting the unhealthy thoughts. If you need more information about resources in your area, you can call the NEDA Helpline at 1-800-931-2237 (M-R 9-9, F 9-5). I highly encourage you to keep posting on here as well.

Stay strong!
Tori

Mhall09
I feel the exact same way. It

I feel the exact same way. It's like a constant battle in my mind. Know that you aren't alone. My healthy thoughts are becoming stronger even though I still have ed thoughts and desires. Some days in order to have healthy thoughts I end up saying what I would say on a good day to myself "you can do this, you have value and worth and this ed will not define you anymore" even if I don't believe it I'm throwing a healthy thought in there which helps me. I've been told to fake it till I make it which at first I thought meant keep doing what you're doing and put on a brave face for everyone else but now see it as faking myself out. If I can make myself believe that statement even for just a minute it psyches me out and changes my perspective. Keep focus on your healthy thoughts! You can do this, you have value and worth and this ed does not define you!

als2908
I don’t think there is

I don’t think there is anything wrong with you :) I think what you are experiencing is a normal part of the contemplation phase of recovery. It’s terribly scary and confusing to give up a disorder that’s intertwined with your thoughts for so long - but I agree with Tori - I believe that you DO want to get better, to recover, and life a full, healthy, and happy life. Only you can make that choice for you, but once you commit to that decision, day by day, the ED voice gets quieter and quieter. It takes hard work and there will be ups and down, but so long as you remember why you made the choice to get better, you will have the strength to overcome the ED. I would encourage you to visit this link regarding the stages of recovery - it may help you understand your feelings a bit more:
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/understanding-stages-change-recov...
You can read stories of hope and recovery here - these may help you know that you are not alone and that recovery is possible:
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/stories-of-hope
I wish you the best!

Brody803
Im in a similar place..I went

Im in a similar place..I went to my primary Dr for help, followed up by getting numbers to treatment facilities.....but thats it.......every day i say im going to try to just eat "normal" and every day I fail................. I havent told anyone else except my Dr..... It consumes me, takes up so much of my day/wastes so much of my day ...............For that i want to stop and get my life back!! But I dont really want to give it up either................ I want to do this without being in a treatment center............... I know I cant.I will get there................

soleilchien
Keep thinking positive.

Keep thinking positive.

soleilchien
23 years

Hi. I'm heather. I've been suffering from anorexia and bulimia since age 14. I've never been to treatment and don't have the financial resources for it. I've seen others in and out of treatment only to relapse again. I see a counselor who is helping as much as he can. I don't have a real goal for posting but am feeling alone and wonder if there is hope for me. I have good weeks but the bulimia always comes back. I'm an athlete who truly loves exercise for the sake of the feeling of joy it gives me but it tends to complicate things as athletes need more food. I'm just reaching out. My prayers and best wishes go to all of you struggling. It's hell

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