National Eating Disorders Association

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I don't know

Well, I don't even really know where to begin..
I used to be a very competitive athlete which is where the whole fear of gaining weight and not being "perfect" kind of started. I ate under a certain amount of calories or not at all per day and I exercised alot. I constantly obsessed over calories and writing down everything I ate (I still do). University started and exercise fell at the wayside, I became so weak, I gave in and I ate. I even gained a little bit of weight but I just felt worse for it. I don't know who to talk to or how to stop this obsession with my weight and with food. I just can't bare the idea of gaining weight, I feel like if I do I'm a failure. I want to stop worrying about the calories in everything, I want to stop writing everything down and restricting what I eat. I want to stop feeling terrible for eating and forcing myself to puke. I sought help with therapy but it is infrequent and so far unhelpful, I can feel it affecting everything I do. I wish I knew how to love my body, is there anyone out there with advice?

I believe in you!

Hi AmandaG -

I can tell you are in a really hard place right now. Battling with an eating disorder can leave one feeling exhausted. It's good to see you have spoken to a professional in the past, but is it something you can do on a more frequent basis? Or maybe you need a different therapist - you can find one here: Have you been to any other doctors, such as a primary care physician?

| know it can be hard to talk about with friends or loved ones. I personally found that when I talked to my loved ones about it (even though I was scared to do so!), I received so much support in return.

Has anyone talked to you about treatment yet? If so, what are your thoughts?

I believe in you and I believe that you can get to a place where you love your body and you are free from your eating disorder! Many people have recovered, including myself. You can too!!

More info!

AmandaG -

I was thinking you may want to read Stories of Hope ( and the other forums on here. They may give YOU hope about the future. :)

I Understand

I just wanted to tell you I totally understand the fear of not being "perfect" and being a competetive athlete and how it can lead to a downhill spiral and it isn't easy since it related to something that was important to you. I am struggling with not being able to love my body too. You are not alone and I believe in you! Everything is possible!

you're not alone

AmandaG- I was in avery similar situation in my eating disorder as a competitive athlete. I completely understand the emotions you are experiencing right now. Even though you may feel that it is difficult to love yourself I know there are MANY positive aspects about you that you should love! You said that your therapy has been infrequent and that is frustrating to you, have you ever considered contacting the NEDA helpline?Here is some information about the helpline. You can reach them at 1-800-931-2237 where they are available from 9am-5pm EST Monday through Friday. They may be able to offer you more constant support.

NEDA is here to support you during the evolving COVID-19 outbreak. The health of our community, especially those who are most vulnerable to the virus' serious complications, remains paramount. To access resources that can provide free and low-cost support, please click here.