National Eating Disorders Association

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austenite
But I can't keep blaming myself

I'm moving out today after living with my boyfriend for only a short time. Everything was great for the year of dating. The month and a half of living together...

So there were flaws. And we fought. And then my job didn't pay enough. And my car broke down. And I couldn't afford a new one. And now my family is coming from another state to take me home. I'm getting close to 30 years old. I've moved 4 times in less than 2 years now.

And he was younger than me, and immature and didn't handle many things appropriately and had a temper and told me all the things he hated about me and my dog all the time. And I knew that I didn't deserve his treatment and yet I wanted to wait it out and wait for it to go back to the way it used to be when he all but worshipped me, and told be everyday I was beautiful and too good for him and that all that shit.

And he made me really really feel like it was true. For once, I felt beautiful to someone. And after we lived together and he started getting tired of my crap and threatened to leave me for complaining about my weight, I started to feel like crap again. And now I'm being shipped back home with no job, no money, and no car because he can't handle being in an adult relationship.

I've been crushed. But I'm going home. Upandup on here told me to be my own cheerleader. I'm going back to a town I know and love, to my nephew and trails to run and I'm going to look in the mirror on days I want to and say "I look GOOD," and on other days I'll avoid the mirror and just hold my head up trusting I look good because I FEEL good. I'll be back in the town where my friends are, where I know I can go out for a drink alone without feeling alone.

Just because you have memories of someone treating you well doesn't mean they treat you well. And when they kick you out for standing up to their bullying... it must be for the best.

PianoGirl
Hi austenite,

Hi austenite,

It sounds like it was really difficult, but also sort of a toxic situation. I'm glad you were able to work through it.

I really commend you for being strong enough to keep your head up and be so positive. It sounds like you've got a lot going on right now, but you're handling it with amazing strength and courage! Thanks for sharing. Good luck, and I hope you find connecting your friends, family, and hometown healing. <3

stormy
Hi austenite!

Hi austenite!

I used to live with a boyfriend who was aware of my eating disorder past and still made comments about my eating habits. When he would buy food for dinner he would buy the lighter versions for me without me requesting them, but get himself the full calorie versions. He would comment on my pizza toppings and monitor what I ate because he was "worried about my stomach hurting later."

So, I know what its like to be bullied by someone and then let them go. I finally kicked him out and was the bad guy, but you have to do what you have to do for your own health and well-being. I am so happy that you are moving on from him and finding your way back to people who love you and want the best for you! Keep fighting and stay positive! I believe that everything happens for a reason and you will look back on this guy and wonder what you saw in him in the first place.

austenite
Thanks!! Being the one that

Thanks!! Being the one that was dumped, this has been so hard. It feels like he loved me so much and all of sudden stopped, and bailed the second things got a little hard. It's really hard not to blame myself, but I can't make him have feelings for me if he doesn't and I knew there were issues with us that would never change.. like his threats to break up with me if I complain about the way my clothes fit.. or if another guy spoke to me.. etc. I really hope I can look back at this and know without a doubt that breaking up was right for both of us, and not just him.

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