National Eating Disorders Association

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freaky_anxiety_girl
I asked for help, now what? (IMPORTANT)

Hello. I'm a victim of anorexia. I have been suffering for a year, along with depression and anxiety. I recently told my mom all my problems and she seemed to care, yet now, she avoids me and the topic. I think that she wants to pretend its not happening but since I told her my thoughts have been spiraling out of control and I can't talk to her about it because she avoids me. I want help but "Ana" keeps telling me to ignore the problem and starve? Which is what I want to do too. Yet I don't because it isn't healthy. What do I do now? I did what I could and told my mom, but she doesn't seem to care. Do I just let ana consume me? Please reply, thank you.

jade22
Listening

I am so sorry to hear that your Mom doesn't seem to hear you asking for help. It makes me wonder if she too has an eating issue and maybe would rather not draw attention to it. Just an assumption though. I am not sure how old you are from your post, but is there another family member you can reach out to? Maybe an aunt or family friend that would show some concern? Coming here for support is a good start to have someone to understand where you are coming from and share your experience, but you need support at home too. Please keep us informed and I pray it gets better for you. Keep strong.

freaky_anxiety_girl
Reply:

Not really, my moms the only one, my dads abusive and I don't have any other family I trust enough. She does try to loose weight but she doesn't have a disorder, yet she has had depression in the past, it runs in the family. And I'm 13, going on 14. I've been keeping it a secret for a while but she just doesn't seem to care. We have a lot going on, but I mean, we had for a while, and she would still check in on me. Now she ignores me completely, unless she's telling me that she's leaving the house for a bit. Maybe it's because I've been acting fine everytime I see her, because I'm scared too. Ill make a joke and laugh and she'll kinda laugh, then leave. I'm still depressed, Im just so used to acting like nothing's wrong

eghall
Some resources for you

I'm sorry to hear of your mom's reaction to your news, although it is a common one. Most parents don't know what to do when a child admits to an eating disorder. People who do not suffer through it often may not understand what it's all about and why we can't 'just eat'. Your ED is always going to tell you to continue to starve because it is like an abusive boyfriend that always wants control. I am so proud of you for admitting your struggle to your mother! That's a huge step. Here is some information for you to take the conversation forward and also provide her with some resources on how to deal with what is going on:
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/parent-toolkit
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/anorexia-nervosa
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/sharing-eeease

Again, I am proud you told your mother! Maybe some of the above information will help facilitate a more understanding conversation between you too. Or, if you feel uncomfortable doing that, then maybe you can find another trusted adult to help you. You can recovery! Good luck!!

pmarie
ana

Your ED is "telling" you that you are a victim, and that your only alternative is to "let ana consume" you. As long as you are fighting back, or better yet, scoffing at the absurd notions, ridiculing them!--then you are NOT a victim!

nanzhu
you are on the right track

I'm glad you've reached out to your mother as well, even though her reaction was not the one you had hoped for. It makes me hopeful that you've realized that your ED "ana" is trying to put these ideas into your mind, but that you are acknowledging that they are not healthy. This shows that you are STRONG - do not back down! These thoughts are extremely dangerous which is why it is so important to seek help, which you have done.

I would suggest calling the NEDA Helpline (1-800-931-2237, M-R 9-9, F 9-5) to talk to someone who can help you find resources and give you suggestions on how to start the conversation. It's often a common reaction for people to not know how to help their loved ones, which may be the case for your mother, causing confusion and avoidance. Is there anyone else you can talk to who is close to you? Even just talking about how you feel with someone can help lift some of the weight off your shoulders.

Here are some links that may also help: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/treatment-basics
Talking to your doctor at your next regular checkup may be a good first step too, since you said this has been going on for a year. I know that recovery is not easy and can be a bumpy road, but don't give up!!

All the best,
Nan