National Eating Disorders Association

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frty12345
Girlfriend has Bulimia. PLEASE HELP

Dear fellow NEDA members,

Hi, my name is Anthony and I'm dating a wonderful girl whom I love so much. I have known her online for five years and I met her in person for the first time in September of 2015, we instantly hit it off and she came back to see me again for a week in early January of this year. Soon, I will be moving with her where she lives, two thousand miles away from where I'm from (I live in Cali and she's in the northern midwest.) She suffered from Anorexia during her early high school years before and recovered, but now has Bulimia and has had Bulimia for years and she still hasn't recovered.

She is a sweetheart but when she's angry or upset because of her ED she tells me so many things that are just... mean. I try to tell her when she hurts my feelings or upsets me but that just gets her even more mad and she blames me for a lot of our fights. I mean, granted, sometimes it is my fault for getting over sensitive and that does happen but... well... It hurts. Eventually, when she feels better she does apologize and she goes back to her amazing self. She sometimes tells me I should "leave" her because of what she does but I never will. I love her more than I can describe, she has been the best friend I've always wanted for years and I've had feelings for her for about 4 years prior to finally getting with her. I'm worried about her, she sometimes gets heart pains and she needs laxatives to even use the restroom. I am definitely not going to tell her that I reached out for help here on the forums (She'd probably kill me) but I need help and I want to do all I can to help her. She is the most amazing woman I have ever met and I truly and quite literally fell in love with her at first sight. I wish she could see what I saw in her and I don't know how to get her to see that. I recognize that this is going to be hard, this is going to be a long journey but I am more than willing to make that journey and be there for her at all times, 24/7 and 365 days a year. I'm willing to literally do ANYTHING for her so please, give me some advice.

P.S. I've talked to her about getting medical assistance before and she always gives a huge "NO" so I have no idea what to do :(. She is my princess and I'm willing to do anything and spend anything on her to help her recover from this horrific disease.

I appreciate any assistance you all could give me.

All my best,

Tony.

mycatblue
Thanks for posting to the forums!

Hi Tony,

Thanks for posting to the forums! I can tell that you really care about your girlfriend and it is really wonderful that you are so committed to helping her through recovery. I’ve included a couple of links with some helpful reading and tips for talking to your girlfriend about her ED and treatment. I know that you have tried to talk to her before and it didn’t go great but hopefully in the near future she will be more open to having that conversation with you.

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/parent-toolkit
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/how-help-friend-eating-and-body-...
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/what-should-i-say

I would also recommend that you consider talking to a professional or finding a support group in your area. As committed as we are to supporting our loved ones, ED can be an extremely trying and heart wrenching disease. Recovery is 100% possible but sometimes there are a lot of ups and downs. Being able to support another person means that you need to take care of yourself first and developing a support system is key, especially now that you are moving to a new city where you may not know a lot of people.

If you need some help locating resources (for yourself or your girlfriend) NEDA has a helpline staffed with volunteers - Monday-Thursday from 9:00 am - 9:00 pm and Friday from 9:00 am - 5:00 pm (EST) @ 1-800-931-2237

I hope you keep posting and let us know how you are progressing. Best of luck!