National Eating Disorders Association

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Girlfriend has Bulemia and just got worse

My girlfriend has suffered from Bulemia, Anorexia and other disorders for over nine years. We have dated for 7 months now and she recently got worse. She has started to starve herself and is taking laxatives. She used to love food and going out to restaurants and now she's canceling plans and pushing me away. It scares me because I don't know how to act. Do I let her do it when she knows what she's doing is wrong, do I call her out on it? I plan on marrying her, so I'm in for the long run but I just want to scream right now because I don't know what to do.

Hi ckm1323!

Welcome to the forums! I'm really sorry to hear that your girlfriend has been suffering from EDs for the past nine years, and I'm sorry to hear that she's getting worse and pushing you away! When someone you love starts pushing you away when they're suffering, it can be so hard to deal with. You should possibly check out the Parent Toolkit (I promise its not just for parents!)

The Toolkit is a great source of information, including how to talk to a loved one about their ED and how to help them get help. Starting on page 17 is a lot of a great advice on how to support and bring up the sensitive topic of treatment without causing too much apprehension. I highly recommend checking it out to get some ideas on how to approach your girlfriend!

One thing that I really like that it says is that recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. It is going to be a long, hard process once your girlfriend chooses to recovery, and your support will be incredibly valuable to her! Try not to take what she does personally - she doesn't mean to frustrate or upset you, but EDs can make people act differently and lash out, even at those they love.

I really hope the Toolkit helps you! Please keep us updated on your girlfriend's progress!


Checking in!

Hi ckm1323!

I was just checking in to see how you were doing since you posted over the weekend. I am so sorry to hear your girlfriend is really struggling right now but I agree with ashleyk and I encourage you to use some of the resources she posted previously. Keep us updated on how you and your girlfriend are doing!