National Eating Disorders Association

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Freaking out a little

I ran ten miles this morning and I am having the hardest time eating back all the calories I burned, which was a lot...and I know I haven't reached that much of an intake in months. I don't know, the number just scares me. There's nothing left in the house that I am comfortable eating so my mom is making me go out to eat. Restaurants terrify me, I can not even express how much anxiety it gives me. Sorry this sounds so pathetic.

Not pathetic at all

What you are feeling is not pathetic. These are the normal sufferings of your eating disorder. I know from our previous conversations that your mom doesn't understand what you are going through. But I remember very well the anxiety of going out to eat. It can be extremely terrifying, stressful and agonizing when you have an eating disorder.

I know you have your doctor appointment in 2 weeks and once you get on the recovery path, you will gain some coping mechanisms for situations just like this. Do you have any activities that relax you (not including running)? For example, I found journaling really helpful. If you have a soothing activity, maybe when you are out to dinner you can think about that activity and doing it when you get home. It might be a bit relaxing to know you have a soothing activity to look forward to.

Hang in there! You CAN get through this. You are not pathetic, you are not hopeless and you ARE worthy.

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