National Eating Disorders Association

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No longer special.

I am missing my ED this morning.This hit me rather suddenly. Today i weighed myself to find i am just below a healthy weight.

I no longer feel special.

So much of my identity and self worth was wrapped up in the number on the scale, and i don't even know who i am without it.

I am having a strong urge to restrict.

The changes in my body make me feel i no longer have any control over it,and to me a normal adult woman's body is a vulnerable body, whereas i feel much stronger and safer being very underweight...

I had breakfast and a morning snack but i don't know what to do about lunch.

The ED voice is loud today.

Pretty soon i will reach the weight that i always find unbearable to be and it is going to be such a huge challenge to push myself then.

I am so uncomfortable in my skin.

I don't see this ever getting any easier.

Feeling pretty hopeless..

Hugs. I actually want more

Hugs. I actually want more muscle and would be happy to gain but have made such a virtue of restricting in my mind that I'm really really struggling to purposely add more calories. And so very very scared that switching mentalities will spin out of control the other direction!

I am sorry you are struggling

Oh so sorry you are struggling right now,ScaredofTHis....

I can relate completely to your fear that no longer restricting will lead to things going in the other direction, but i guess we have to trust our bodies and give them time to trust us by continuing to nourish ourselves..i know that is in no way easy though,but we can come through this to the other side..