National Eating Disorders Association

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dancinginchains99
I want to believe I can still do it

I want to believe I can still do it. I want to believe that all these years of battle are not and will not be dust blown away on a spring or summer day. My name is Sery and I am 22 years old, more than half I spent fighting against a pain greater than me, alternating phases remotely acceptable and livable to phases where I was kept alive by the doctors. The doctors have stopped treating me, they have stopped worrying about me because there are few places available and they prefer to invest in younger patients with fewer years of illness behind them, they have attacked me with the stigma of "chronically ill" death.
Patients like me are now only taken seriously by private centers, which cost hundreds of euros, if you can't afford them, you're out. You manage.
Why do they have to extinguish hope like this? Why do they all treat me as if I don't want to heal and feel good, I mean, I have been constantly working through these years because when I fall into the abyss no one understands that that's where I need help more than ever?
If I am still here it is because basically I have always hoped and believed that one day I too would be fine, or even decently I do not ask who knows what status, but now it has been since October 2021 that I have not been able to get up.
My body has gone haywire, my immune system is severely compromised and I am perpetually physically ill, so much so that I do not leave the house for weeks except to walk a few feet of the sidewalk. The thyroid is in tilt, the heart, the lungs no longer have strength and I am returning to be at risk of respiratory crisis or serious arrhythmias, soon I will have to do many tests to understand precisely the situation and try to stem it in some way.
If there is someone here who has made it or is doing it, please give me a bit of strength, tell me how to do it because I don't want to die like this and they are letting me die unscrupulously .. as if so if I do not go away in this fall I will go to the next one and therefore they do not deign to see my still will to continue living even if I see no escape. I have always tried not to make my life depend on numbers, but now it is who should help me who estimates the value based on the current age and the years spent in illness. Please help me.. and sorry for english

Lightinthedark
Reach out to a therapist that

Reach out to a therapist that would be very helpful and you can pin point why the disorder all started and they might be able to connect you to others who can help you even further
Also try seeing a nutritionist
I encourage you to pray
Start small with things no need to rush take your time to get better
This place also should help since there are others who understand you
It should make you feel like you have a safe space to talk
Please keep trying to get better
It's always easier said then done but don't give up hope
God is good
Things will get better
Small steps