National Eating Disorders Association

5 posts / 0 new
Last post
One month in...

As of today, I am beginning one month in recovery.

I'm not doing so well.

I weighed myself this morning and found that i hadn't gained at all since Wednesday.

One positive thing about this is i didn't feel even a twinge of the old thrill of the number not having gone up-i was actually discouraged.

It makes sense that i haven't gained weight-in a way...i *have* been bingeing quite a bit though so on the other hand i don't get it. It must have some sort of physiological basis, no? My metabolism..or really, simply just not eating enough....

Anxiety is still robbing me of an appetite much of the time and it's tough to push through that....

I'm still body checking and feel great disgust when it comes to my body image.

So you can see i have a long way to go.

I don't even know that i've made much progress apart from eating a whole lot more than i was only a month ago, and i am eating things that used to terrify me.

So, i guess, small steps?

i'm trying my best i really am-

i am kind of beating myself up over this, which is probably counterproductive...

Hope you are in a better place now

I see it's been a day or so since you posted. I applaud you for being one month in on your recovery. I can only imagine how hard this is for you and having such a low point is even harder.
You are so right, though, small steps. And it's gotta be ok to slip or stall once in a while. If only we were perfect - but then I guess we would never have landed here to begin with.
YOU ARE DOING GREAT! And hopefully it's obvious that reaching out for support when you are really struggling is so healthy and good. That is a positive step even if you were feeling so rotten at the time.
I hope you are doing better today :)

Thank you,JessieJake...

Thank you so much for your encouraging words.
Today started out well, i had breakfast and a supplement.

The hospital called, i guess my name came up on the list, but at my current weight i no longer need inpatient and i would not want to do their virtual day program. I didn't answer the phone.

My pyschiatrist/therapist supports my decision to recover on my own saying i could probably RUN the inpatient program i have so much experience....

Anyway everything i have read about their program recently is pretty scary.

I can do this. With regular therapy i can do this.

I'll re read my treatment notes from last year, that inspires me when i see how positive and motivated i was.

And i am feeling positive and motivated now.

Thank you again for caring,JessieJake....

I felt a connection...

It's crazy to me when I sometimes read or hear from a fellow ed sufferer and I feel as though the words could have come out of my own mouth :)
I gave a little laugh when you said you didn't answer the phone. Oh boy, do I know that feeling and I've done similar!
I am happy for you that you no longer need inpatient. I think it's great you know yourself well enough to feel in control to do what you did (not answer the phone). Sometimes it just adds to the confusion or raises new chaos in our minds to continually be taking in more feedback and recommendations. How awesome that you are getting positive reinforcement from your therapist, too. You are lucking out with whoever that person is!!! It's so critical to find someone that sees YOU, understands YOU and not just your numbers or your illness. Each person is unique and requires different types of help, IMHO.

I turned down inpatient myself after investigating way too many places and continually getting that same answer. And feeling they were treating a generalized person with ED and not me as unique person with this illness. It does mean I'm going it alone, too. However, my team fell apart when I put my foot down on that decision. I am using forums and support groups right now for myself.
Anyway, all that but glad today is looking more up than down :) "See" you here again!

it helps to be able to relate to someone else doesn't it?

Hey JessieJake, thank you for your reply.

i am so sorry you lost your team because of your decision.

yes, i really am lucky that my pyschiatrist who is also my therapist is behind me, supports my decision.

I hope you will be able to find somebody who can help you.

In the meantime, know that i believe in you.

Here to listen if you need an ear.