National Eating Disorders Association

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cyclone569
relapsed

I'm a 19 year old sophomore in college and I was so nervous about going to college and relapsing. I eventually ended up telling my roommates about it(I didn't want to but it came up and rather than lie, I just let them know what was actually going on) and they kind of kept an eye on me and I didn't end up relapsing the first semester of freshmen year or even genuinely thinking about it. Things got stressful at the start of the second semester and sometimes, I would get this like feeling to just throw up because it would make me feel better but I was too scared to start again plus my roommates would've been able to hear me because the three of us shared such a small space so I never really did. During the month of May, I moved home for the summer and started binging without really realizing it. My parents were watching me but I think they were just happy that I wasn't making myself purge so they didn't say anything. Then I started working in June and I just fell into restricting. I was straight restricting for months until this past week and I feel like I'm binging but I can't tell if I'm binging or just eating like a normal person. I feel on the verge of like a breakdown, I keep wanting to purge everytime I eat and everything reminds me of it, I just can't stop and I'm so tired and this never goes away and this is going to be my entire life amd i can't even complain because I did it to myself and my doctor noticed my weightloss and now she wants an appointment in two weeks to check my weight and I just want to go back to normal. On top of that, I've started hooking up with random guys adjacent to my friend group because it makes me feel better and it's validating the whole sick cycle in some way because I didn't mess around with a single guy during recovery and now I'm just freewheeling and guys actually like me because I'm thinner and I have no idea what's going on and I feel like everyone is watching me and my roommate keeps asking when the last time I ate was and then she asked what happened to all the bagels and I can't get that out of my head.

2Healthy4me
See your Doctor and be Mindful of yourself

When you feel like panicking just breath into a paper bag.

Try journaling to see if you might discover a trigger to what you are explaining.

Find a counselor on campus, they are usually free to enrolled college students.

Are you onsite in college this year, or at parents home and using a computer?

I ask this because there is quite a big transition going from onsite college to working at home online for college course load.

I find for me, when I am at home, I am tempted to snack while at home and using the tv or computer.

Good luck in your Healing Recovery from Ed.

recoveryj
I’m so sorry you’re going

I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. College can be such a stressful transition and bring up so many triggers. A lot of the time, it does feel like a binge when we start eating normally after restriction. Know that this is just your body’s way of trying to take care of you and get you what you need. I know it can feel so scary at times, but you should be incredibly proud of yourself for not purging. That is a huge step in the recovery process.
Are you in touch with an eating disorder dietician at all? It can be so helpful just to have someone to help guide you on gentle nutrition. I know my meal plan has been essential to my recovery. They can help you come up with something that helps fit your personal needs so that you get the nourishment you need throughout the day. The “binges” will subside as long as you keep nourishing and feeding your body. I know it’s so hard sometimes. But know that your eating disorder is not you. You are worthy and deserving of care. And you do deserve to recover and regain your life
Sending strength <3