National Eating Disorders Association

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ev.1234
I feel trapped and don't know how to stop

I have an eating disorder. I have always had body dysmorphia and have had bad thoughts about eating since I was young, but I was able to pretty much push those thoughts aside and maintain a normal eating lifestyle. It wasn't until sophomore year when I dropped a significant amount of weight (due to stressful situations) that my mindset changed. At first when I lost the weight I knew it was unhealthy so the summer after my sophomore year I worked on rebuilding my body and I ate normally and enjoyed exercising. That summer I had the healthiest relationship with food and my body, and it has been the last time I have ever had a healthy relationship with food. That was the summer of 2019. When returning to school, I was healthy at first, but then I had the constant desire to lose weight and be skinnier than all my friends. So I heavily restricted almost all foods and again I lost a vast amount of weight. I kept on my restriction until quarantine. When quarantine hit I told myself that it'd be really hard to restrict myself without going to school and being at home all day. During quarantine I would severely restrict myself and then binge and repeat. I am still stuck in the loop of restriction and binging and I want to change my brain so bad. I know that binging comes from restriction, but even when I'm not restricting my brain wants me to keep eating until I'm sick. I am just confused and looking for advice on how to change my mindset and lifestyle because my eating disorder has brainwashed me and has become a habit. If anyone has any helpful tips I would be more than happy to hear them.

brokendocs2
ME TOO ME TOO. it is such a

ME TOO ME TOO. it is such a cycle i binge then restrict then the same thing. i dont know how to stop. please let me know if you figure it out.

2Healthy4me
How are you doing now?

Hi, I hope you are feeling better.

I haven't seen any more entries to your original post

so I just wanted to check on you and see how things are going

for you. Have you returned to school yet?

They have counselors on campus at nearly every college

and university. I hope that if you have returned to college

that you are able to find some therapeutic support for yourself.

Good luck and Happy Holidays too.