National Eating Disorders Association

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Do I have an eating disorder?

Hi guys, this is kinda scary lol. Anyways I am a 19 year old male, a freshman in college. I am reaching out because I am scared to talk to people I know in person about this topic. I have not gone to the doctor about any of my mental health concerns due to fear of my parents overworrying about me which makes me stress out more. If I say that I have a mental health disorder or imply that I feel like I have it, and I do not but this process offends anybody I sincerely apologize.
I have been struggling with what I feel is anxiety for years now, but it is not to the point where it messes with my functionality so I think i'm fine there. I started having what i belive to be bipolar episodes in eight grade. I go through phases where I am extremely depressed, but then something can happen and I will become extremly happy, but I am also more happy than sad so IDK if I qualify as bipolar. Now with the eating disorder it has been going on since freshman year. I would change my body to what other people wanted. During football season I was a lineman and would gain weight to be at my heaviest. I was 5 foot 5 at the time. I would do this by stuffing myself full of food. During baseball season however I would need to lose weight, the lowest I got during baseball was less than my heaviest and I was 5 foot 7. The way I acheived this was by starving myself for 2-3 days while doing my atheltics. Then I would gourge myself for a day, feel terrible and start over. I was so proud of the number on the scale, but still hate the way my body looks. About 3 months ago I stopped starving myself and havent felt like this, but recently I have started hating my body again even though I havent put on any weight and I feel that I am going to fall back into that cycle.

Hi Kga63!

Hi Kga63! It's great that you are sharing and joined the forums! We wanted to inform you that we had to edit your post to remove weight, which can be triggered for others. This violates our community guidelines. You can review our community guidelines here. Keep posting!