National Eating Disorders Association

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Satine
I don't know how to talk to my friend about his anorexia

Um I just signed up on this website to do a forum and don't quite know how to really start in on this but I'm going to give it a try. So a guy in close to and recently dated at one point briefly brought up how he is anorexic. He doesn't share these personal things or topics with me often if at all (it's usually because I have to push him to tell me when I notice somethings wrong). And I don't think he has really told anyone else about how he is anorexic. I'm just figuring out and researching anorexia but I don't know how to help him. He has had a troubled past with a lot of trauma and he doesn't seem depressed per se and would never self harm or harm anyone around him. However he very much has a mindset of "if I get help from someone then I am weak and I must be strong". So I don't know how to help or talk with him on the matter of his anorexia among other things if he doesn't want help. He has a lot of stress in his life right now too with school and the fact that his mom might have cancer so he will need to help pay bills for it. He also isn't big on talking about himself or personal things unless you push him and even then he doesn't always open up. Aside from that I realized that he smokes Marijuana as a form of self medicating his trauma especially so he can get through his day and night. But I've read that it can be the cause of not eating or not getting good sleep, is that true? And if so would it be safe for him to stop using Marijuana when he uses it as a crutch? And is there any reccomendations on how to help him without him feeling like he is weak? I really care about him and want to help, I know he also wouldn't be okay or feel comfortable talking to a therapist or professional about it nor do I know how serious his anorexia is yet.

BobJ48
Satine.

Yep, the worries about "being weak" can be a concern alright. Particulary for guys. They can have a lot of fears around that, it's true.

But…what about facing our fears ? And going ahead and doing the thing that we fear ? Is it a weak person who does that, or a strong one ?

He also may fear that he did get help…things would still turn out to be impossible. That it wouldn't help or make any difference, and then what would he do ?

So yeah, people have to take risks sometimes. Which is another theme you might use. Strong men are willing to take risks, it's a thing they are know for. So that's a point you could make too.

Even so, you won't want to seem like you are being coercive. These are just some things to think about.

Things which he may already be thinking about, you know ? Folks with EDs can feel alone with their thoughts, so having someone who understands these things can be helpful too.

Anyhow, just some thoughts. Keep in touch if it seems to help ?