National Eating Disorders Association

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julia123
Relapsing after weighing myself

Hi, I have bulimia with phases of anorexia, I'm in recovery for over two years now, and that's also when I banned the scales. They were still in my bathroom, but knowing how much pain they've caused me, I never felt the urge to step on them ever again after finally knowing how good it felt to live a fuller life. I've gained weight, I knew that, it was bothering me, but still, going back into this dark place never felt like an option. Until a couple of days ago, I don't know why, but I stepped on the scales, two days later, and I'm still getting sweaty hands and a racing heart thinking about the number I saw. My BMI is now close to 'overweight', I don't know if I was in such denial or just busy enjoying life, but it made me question everything. I wish I could unsee the number, but the damage's been done and I feel like relapsing is all I can do now to stop this anxiety. I'd be really thankful for some tips <3

Thyme
Scales

Hi Julia,
I am so sorry you had to go though that. I am totally new to this but I saw your post and it caught my attention so I wanted to reach out and tell you that you aren't alone. I haven't been on a scale for as long as I can remember for that exact same reason. You said maybe you were busy enjoying your life? I think that is beautiful and what we should all strive for, not some stupid number on a machine. Maybe focus on all the fun you've had, the enjoyable moments with your self or with friends and family. I say ditch the scale! I am sorry I can't be more helpful, but wanted you to know that someone cares about you and understands what you are going through.

EphWhyEye
I know I will never be okay

I know I will never be okay with the number on the scale, no matter what that number is. I used to weigh myself obsessively. Thought oh X amount more, get to this number. Then a little more, then a little more. At some point I realized my ED voice would try to convince me to go to nothing. I only get weighed at doctor appointments now and I absolutely hate that they have to do it. I'm tempted sometimes to weigh at home but I don't want to start that vicious number game again.