National Eating Disorders Association

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kristinkb
How do I say goodbye?

I'm currently inpatient and still struggling to decide if I want help with my E.D. I constantly flip back and forth with hurting myself and acting intensely on my eating disorder. If I'm showing signs of self harm my eating disorder isn't as noticeable but when my eating disorder is in the spotlight my other self harm is barely noticed. I think it mostly has to deal with a false since of control. I feel so attached to my eating disorder I'm afraid to let go of it. My eating disorder causes health risks, I've been diagnosed with a heart condition caused by it and the damage is reversible but still I hold onto the eating disorder. I don't know how to get out of this, how can I leave my eating disorder? It's been in my corner since I was young, it's what I know. Departing from my eating disorder is scary and how do I decide if I want treatment? How do I say goodbye to my E.D.?

_admin_moderator
Welcome!

Hi Kristinkb, welcome to the forums! It is great that you are reaching out and posting. It sounds like you benefit from talking to someone or finding support options near you. The NEDA Helpline and online chat is here for you! You can call 800-931- 2237 or chat, https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/helplinechat  to discuss support options. Helpline phone hours are Monday-Thursday 11am-9pm ET, Friday 11am-5pm ET. Helpline chat hours are Monday-Thursday 9am-9pm ET, Friday 9am-5pm ET. We hope you find the support you are looking for and keep posting! 

kristinkb
Thank you

I appreciate the information and I am using the resources to find additional help. Thank you!

Depressedkid_1
Heyy

I know how scary it can be saying goodbye to your ED. I struggle with anorexia and while I'm doing really good in recovery now, there was a time when i was terrified of letting my ED go. Your really the only one that can choose treatment but just know that as you go through recovery it does get easier, it may be hard right now but over time it will get easier.It may be hard to realize right now but there are much better ways to feel in control without hurting yourself. I know starting to follow my dream of being a singer helped me feel in control. Another thing that really helps is to have really good friends and support system. Being able to talk to people when your struggling really helps. I know the people from my church are so supportive so finding a great support system is really important to recovery. I sure hope this made sense and that it helps :)

kristinkb
poor support

I realize I'm not alone in this struggle. I'm not the only one going through this but my support system is limited making things even more difficult for me. I'm not quite sure how to build a support system that works from where I'm at. In other words, once I leave this program I'm on my own again. Being alone is awful but at the same time it seems rewarding because other people can't control me and I have control over my actions. The action of engaging in ED behaviors or self harm.I guess I get desperate at times and my ED is a fallback for me, a safety net.What other things can be my safety net?