National Eating Disorders Association

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I need to go all in on recovery, but I'm terrified.

I'm a 29 year old female. I've had an ED, or disordered tendencies since I was about 12.

I can't live like this anymore. I realize that I need to give recovery my everything, go all in, but I'm so scared. I want to be body positive and promote health at every size... but I an also so scared to gain weight.

Where do you even start? How do you push past that fear?

I've been trying to open up to my husband about it, but he just doesn't get it.

Just looking for an ear, or some advice, or reslly anything.


Hi Mustlovedogs, welcome to the forums. We’re glad you’re here. We encourage you to reach out to the NEDA Confidential Helpline if you need assistance finding resources and more support. The Helpline can be reached at 800.931.2237 M-Th 11am-9pm ET and F 11am-5pm ET. Additionally, you can chat with us online M-Th 9am-9pm ET and F 9am-5pm ET. Please don’t hesitate to reach out - your well-being matters, and we hope you take care.

Hey! You've just done one of

Hey! You've just done one of the most important steps there is.. admitting to needing help and recognizing you have an issue. I've been through recovery fully (I was recovered for 3 years and currently I'm relapsing).
Just like you, I understood I needed help. For about a year I talked with a therapist and did everything you're "supposed" to do but I felt helpless still. I couldn't let my anorexia go. The one thing that truly helped at first was having something to recover FOR. In my case that was college. For you, it might be a partner or a friend or trip you want to take that you can't while you're sick. Whatever it is, hang on to it and DON'T LET GO. The road ahead is bumpy and scary and there are times where you want to give up completely. But one day, after months of recovery.. you'll realize that the eating disorder is quieter. The longer you go with recovery the more you realize that you're having fun eating out with friends and you're actually living life and that your eating disorder was lying to you the entire time. It does get better, but you have to find a reason to go through with it and you have to hold on through the scary parts along the way. You can do this. Believe me, what your disorder is putting you through is 100 times worse than what food will do.

same page

I feel like we are in the exact same boat...
I've had an ED for 10 years now and now that I'm done with graduate school I really need to get my shit together and go all in. I've been doing a ton of research on Minnie Maud and have a solid deadline for myself of starting this tomorrow and I'm scared shitless. I've heard a lot of positive AND negative things about this (as one does with most things in life) and I really feel like this is what's going to work for me...if I can bring myself to do it. I am hoping that with a bunch of constant reminders to myself about my actual LIFE (not body/physical) goals and the support of my most-trusted family and friends I can stay on the right track and not let fear drag me back into disordered crap. I don't know if this helps you at all, but I just wanted to respond since I really connected to your situation. :)