National Eating Disorders Association

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cvarovsky
how to recover fully

I suffered from an eating disorder 5 years ago. Until then, everything was fine and I accepted my body until one of my friends after the holidays told me, "Oh my God, you gained weight." Then I started to observe my body more and more often, to look in the mirror and finally realized that I hate my body, that I am fat. It was the beginning of my adventure with eating disorders. When it affected my endocrine system, my parents decided to send me for treatment. And yes, everything seemed fine, I recovered from my hormone problems, my period came back, I gained weight. Everyone thinks I'm cured. But no. I am still afraid of gaining weight, I do not want desertion in food, I know how bad it is for my health, but still I do not want to gain weight, I still do not like my body, I want to lose weight I do not want to eat, sometimes I eat unusual portions and then I feel guilty , nervous, depressed and then I promise myself that I will not eat anything. The worst part is that I feel guilty every time. I want to change, but I'm afraid that I can't fully heal myself from this disease, that this guilt will always be in me and it doesn't matter that I know that I don't want to live like this, it's so bad for me, still I go back to eating disorders and these thoughts.
How do you guys feel about it?

Miggi
It sounds like you still

It sounds like you still struggle from an ED mindset. The thing is, we can be recovered for several years, but it only takes one comment or trigger to send us back into that mindset. I can be really hard and restrictive, as you've said. But you can be very proud of yourself for being brave enough to tell your story, that shows a lot of courage. And to get through this disease, you will need courage. I urge you to talk to a therapist, and get a meal plan started with a dietitian. It is surprising how much just talking to another person and really being heard can help heal yourself. Thank you for sharing :)

Poppy
Sounds very familiar

All I can say is that I completely identify with what you are saying. IT is so hard, isn't it? Miggi's advice is really good. One feels recovered in some ways, and yet the voice of the ED is still very loud at times. Do you ever wish there was something like AA for us? Where you could go to a meeting in those moments of despair, self-loathing, confusions, etc.....for the support and the listening ears? I do. Anyway, I just wanted to say I hear you and I understand how hard this is....you are not alone.