National Eating Disorders Association

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Dneill79
Adult child won’t eat

My daughter was a bottomless pit as a child. She ate everything in sight. She came home one summer after being at her father’s and said she wasn’t allowed to eat there—couldn’t have seconds, couldn’t help herself to the cupboards, etc. Then when she was 15 she wanted to live with her dad. I let her, after so many struggles. She started fainting there. Then after a year, she went to live with my sister. My sister said she would hardly ever eat. She had to force her to eat. She fainted there, too. Then after a year, she went to live with her stepmom. She fainted there, too. After a year, she came back to live with me. I cook, but not all the time. She’s very picky. If I make something she doesn’t want, she’ll storm in her room and say, “I guess I’ll starve.” I have gone out of my way to buy food that she asks for. Usually, the food goes bad or just sits in the cupboard because she doesn’t “feel like eating that food anymore.” The stress was getting to me. I was constantly worried I wouldn’t fix the food she wanted or worried that because we have leftovers, she won’t eat. So I had her stay at my dad’s house for a few days. He had a car he was going to give her to motivate her to get a job. (She’s 18 and never had a job.) He wasn’t able to get it registered in her name, so she was in a bad mood when she came home. She said she was making a grocery list so she can have food she will actually eat, said grandpa had food she could eat. I asked what food. She told me and said “he actually cooked for us when we told him we were hungry. I’m tired of looking anorexic.” I said, “you can’t blame me for you not eating.” She said yes she can. My husband defended me and told her not to blame me for her choices. She got mad and went in her room, slammed the door, and called her friend to pick her up. She texted me and said she’s never coming back, said I’m a horrible mother for not doing things for her, for not cooking, etc. Obviously I cook. I post new recipes I’ve tried on instagram all the time. I feel like there is a deeper issue here, but I don’t know what it is. Whatever I say to her, she twists my words and says completely the opposite of what the truth is. I don’t know if she wants me to hand-feed her like a baby or what.

_admin_moderator
Hi Dneill79, Welcome to the

Hi Dneill79, Welcome to the forums! We edited your post to remove mentions of specific foods. You can review all of our community guidelines here. In addition, we encourage you to take advantage of our helpline by calling Monday-Thursday 11am to 9pm EST and Friday 11am to 5pm. Or, you can chat with the Helpline Monday to Thursday 9am to 9pm EST and Friday 9am to 5pm. The helpline can offer additional support. You can also find other resources for parents on our website here: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/help/caregivers

Elwoodyn
You have an ungrateful

You have an ungrateful daughter!

Salemardan
There is a problem. This

There is a problem. This problem lies in the lack of attention from relatives and people close to her. In a short period, your daughter probably lived with all the possible relatives she could live with. It's hard for the psyche of a teenage girl. I recently adopted a 15-year-old girl through https://fosterplus.org, and Emily also has similar problems. But this only says that she wants attention and wants to feel that she is loved. Your daughter, in childhood, did not receive the care and love that children need. And I am sure that the current problems of her behavior are connected with this.