National Eating Disorders Association

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hermione3
Not sick enough...

I feel so invalidated because my blood work came back normal. It has not been the past few weeks I also now feel invincible. I was supposed to fast before and I had a drink not water so could have played a role on some things it just makes me feel not sick enough. I also don’t feel thin enough. I know labs change day to day but I just feel not sick enough..

Annet
Hi Hermione3,

Do you know that it is common that when people have eating disorders they labs are "normal"? I was about to die and my labs were "normal". Karen Carpenter passed away a few days/weeks of having been discharged and being at a normal weight.
With the above I do not want to scare you, I just want you to be aware that eating disorders damage our body and that damage is not always "visible" via our blood work...

Take care, keep working hard on recovery.

Hugs
Annet

hermione3
Thank you I needed to hear

Thank you I needed to hear that and I know it’s true I just always feel convinced I am fine when my bloodwork is ok and I can keep acting on behaviors. My weight is almost restored I have just recently been losing a little bit but slowly. My treatments have not started working yet they said it could take more then what I have done I am like hoping for a miracle...

Annet
I perfectly get it. As ED

I perfectly get it. As ED patients we never feel "sick enough". But "sick enough" is another lie that our eating disorder tells to us. So, keep fighting against it.
Sometimes, what I tell myself when I think "I am not sick enough" is "How do you feel with regards to food, exercise and your body? How do you feel overall"? If the answer is "Not good enough", then it is because I am not healthy enough...

yoyokay
You are not alone

I feel the same way. Upset with myself when I'm not feeling bad on a given day, or my test results are fine. I get irritated when my mom says I look healthier. We need to remind ourselves this is the ED getting to us. We deserve to be healthy.

hermione3
Thanks for the support. It’s

Thanks for the support. It’s hard because my labs were not perfect a week before but I still didn’t feel sick enough. It’s so terrible and my treatments are not helping yet and I need a miracle. I see my therapist and doctor today they will not be happy...I am a bit anxious about it but I did this myself I need to dig out of the hole again...

yoyokay
How are you doing now?

Just checking up on you. How are you feeling? Are you able to accept getting healthy?

hermione3
I’m struggling and not really

I’m struggling and not really doing anything healthy. I act on behaviors every day it’s just so hard I don’t feel better from my treatments so I feel I am resistant. I don’t know how to let go I still want my eating disorder...

_admin_moderator
Resources

Hi, hermione3. If you need additional support, you can text "NEDA" to 741-741 or call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255. Please stay safe and take care.

Annet
Hi Hermione3,

I think you are in a moment of dispair and it would be good if you could talk to your therapist/doctor in person.
I want you to know that we all have a healthy self and an eating disorder self. I am sure you sometimes feel like there are 2 people inside you: one that wants to recover and another one that wants to continue using behaviors. Well, I have always been ambivalent about recovery BUT the trick is to strengthen your healthy-self. Give more power to the actions that lead to recovery. Start ignoring your eating disorder urges. Little by little, you will become used to have a healthier life style.

Remember, we do not get rid of our ED overnight. It took us several years to develop it and it may take us several years to get rid of it. BUT we need to keep trying.

I am sure you are strong and brave. Keep trying. You deserve a better life.

Hugs
Annet

hermione3
Thank you for the support yes

Thank you for the support yes some days I want to recover others I just don’t care and use behaviors. I am exhausted today but going to try to at least eat something and not purge as hard as that is.

Annet
Hi Hermione3,

The more you practice healthy behaviors, the easier they will become. Start with something small and simple you can commit to. Once you have dominated that little or big thing, set another objective that is recovery focused.

Ambivalence will always be there. But always question what your mind is telling you and give yourself an objective answer. You will notice our ED mind is pretty distorted and it lies to us A LOT.

Hugs
Annet

hermione3
Thanks for the support and

Thanks for the support and definitely small steps I ate one meal today and kept it down. My team brought up residential again I literally was a year ago but for trauma. They are going to try to keep me outpatient mostly because my parents don’t agree with me going residential. I am exhausted. I have to stay outpatient I don’t even feel sick enough for residential my one day yesterday of more food I weighed myself today and gained so much well to me.

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