National Eating Disorders Association

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Bleck. I don't even know. Everything is okay-ish, I guess, but I just ate a suuuuper early "dinner," and my mom sent me dessert from home because she thinks I like them, but now they're just kicking around and I don't want to eat them and I don't not want to eat them and blah. I just feel gross and wish I didn't...

Yeah I guess that's all. Hope y'all are doing well.

Hi horseshoecrab,

Would you be willing to give yourself "permission to eat" just ONE piece of dessert?
You could think of it as a dessert and that could prevent you from thinking about them all night...
If you see the "risk" of a binge, then, this may not work.
But sometimes, when we decide to eat something or to give ourselves permission to eat something, binges might not happen.


Cookies are difficult

horseshoecrab - Loved your eeaauughgh. That's how I feel about desserts. I bought some high fiber and high protein desserts recently, but traditional desserts make me feel scared. Just providing support!

I’m sorry to hear about your

I’m sorry to hear about your fear. EDs can warp our thoughts so much. Maybe it would be helpful to write down some thoughts about that fear: What is being attached to those foods that make you fearful? Is it ED? Where are those thoughts coming from?
Often, fear exists to protect us. But when it comes to EDs and anxiety, that protective mechanism goes haywire and causes us to fear things that can actually be beneficial and nourishing. Maybe exploring and breaking down some of those fears will help you on your recovery path

Maybe it’s time to explore

Maybe it’s time to explore why you are having such mixed and complex feelings about a gift that was sent with love. There are “good” or “bad” foods. So where is the fear coming from? Does it have something to do with a past experience? Or is it coming from the toxic diet culture that pervades so much of society?
I’m sorry you’re feeling gross. You deserve so much more. You deserve to be able to accept this gift and nourish yourself! Not only is ED depriving you of something you like, it is taking away being able to accept loving gifts. Eating is not bad. There is nothing morally wrong with any food. Everything has its place. You do not need to restrict or deprive yourself. You are worthy. You are worthy of food. You are worthy of the space you have in this world. You are worthy of love.

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