National Eating Disorders Association

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Home with Triggers

So I lost my job due to COVID and came home to wait it out. Cut to six months later and I'm still home. I put on some weight and got back into my exercise routine that helps keep me balanced so I was able to drop the weight. Just now (it's about midnight) I microwaved some leftovers from earlier to eat. My mom stopped me and said I shouldn't be eating this late. Which sure, it's probably not the best for my digestion or my sleep but I was hungry and wanted to eat. So instead of following my impulse to throw the food away, I ate it because I wanted to. I then went back and asked her not to comment on when or what I eat. She said it's her job as my mother to educate me. We went back and forth for a bit. I said I was an adult and can make a decision on when to eat on my own. she said I need to learn when to eat and that she's my mother and has the right to say something. I know she means well but my ED kicks in and I feel worthless. I feel like I have failed because I ate late. And I feel like purging. I won't but there's a feeling in the pit of my stomach making me want to. I even thought about trying somethings else. Anyone else having to now live at home with things or people that trigger them?

Hi scottgirl20,

Hi scottgirl20,

I am sorry to hear things are rough right now, and that you have been feeling triggered. I have had some similar experiences begin home with COVID and trying to avoid the topic of weight and food with family. Its hard not to let it get to you even when someone means well. Just remember that you have every right to let your family know that certain things can be upsetting, and you would prefer that they avoid these topics, if that is something you feel comfortable doing. No matter what, everyone on the forums is here for you! And you can always use the help line when you need. Sending love and hugs.

Hi, I’m sorry about your job

Hi, I’m sorry about your job and that your mom crossed your boundaries like that. Like jess64 said, you have every right to tell her not to comment on what/when you eat and as someone recovering from ED, that’s so important. But again, I’m sorry your mom hasn’t been respectful of that. I also wanted to congratulate you for eating the food because you were hungry even when your ED thoughts AND your mom told you not to. That is a huge step and you should be proud of yourself, because I know how hard that is. I hope things get better with your mom and recovery, you deserve it. Also, if you don’t already, I’d recommend seeking professional support in the form of a therapist, dietician, etc. if that’s an option for you. Hope you’re well!

just being in my home

triggers me. It's a constant battle between my sensible conscious mind and my subconscious mind (which behaves like a 9 or 10,yr old) and cares nothing about my painful history or consequences of my (grazing) style binge eating. Out of my home I'm in charge. Even with my life partner here makes no difference.. CC